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My oldest son is an interesting and funny kid. About two weeks ago he came downstairs, before school, to ask me what persevered meant. Now any parent of kids will know these “life” questions tend to come out of thin air, but this question felt especially unusual for 7:30 in the morning. Wanting to be a good, helpful parent I did my best to define the word for him. Then he asked me if he had ever persevered? “Damn, kid, this is a little heavy for a Friday morning,” I thought to myself, but I tried to give him examples of times when he persevered. Then I went to work and didn’t think much of it.
A couple hours later I was randomly messing around on Facebook and noticed my wife’s post My oldest waking her up in the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT to ask about persevering. I lost it. This kid is too funny. Of course, he would wake up in the middle of the night because he was worried if he, in his short, little life, has persevered.
Later, after he got out of school, my wife took my kids to a rock climbing wall to run them down a little. (Parents you know what I’m talking about). My oldest struggled for a little bit but it didn’t take him long to make it to the top. Once he hit the bell at the top, he looked down, and yelled, “I persevered!” God, I love this kid!
For those who don’t know, like me until I started writing this post, the official definition of perseverance from Merriam-Webster is a “continued effort to do or achieve something despite difficulties, failure, or opposition: the action or condition or an instance of persevering: Steadfastness.” Basically, it’s when we keep at a task or goal even when it’s hard and we suck at it. It’s Thomas Edison with the light bulb or Martin Luther King, Jr. with the Civil Rights Movement.
This begs the question, where does perseverance come from? Why are some people able to persevere when challenges are placed in front of them and others fold like a house of cards? Is perseverance something we are born with or can it be learned? Well, thanks to the research of Carol Dweck we have a pretty good idea of how to answer these questions. Ultimately, it comes down to whether an individual has adopted a Fixed Mindset or a Growth Mindset.
Fixed vs. Growth Mindset:
“That’s great, Joe, but what’s the difference?” Well, those with a fixed mindset believe people’s basic abilities, intelligence, creativity, and talents are predetermined at birth. They are unchangeable. This makes an individual’s goal to always look smart and avoid looking dumb as much as possible. This leads to an avoidance of challenges to prevent failing because failing means, “they suck!” If they do put themselves out there and they fail it can be devastating, defining their personality forever. These people tend to put themselves into boxes likes:
- I’m not creative
- I’m not a people person
- I’m not athletic
- I suck at writing
- I can’t get in shape
- I’m lazy
- I’m a procrastinator
- I’m an introvert
It becomes about talent over skill. They either have it or they don’t. They focus on who they are rather than who they can become.
People with a Growth Mindset, however, believe the abilities and talents they were born with can develop through hard-work, dedication, and practice. When they work on growing their skills it helps to strengthen their motivation, which creates a love of learning and builds resiliency. They know their skills are a starting point and though not everyone is a genius, they can become smarter with persistence and education. There is a willingness to face challenges instead of running from them realizing setbacks are temporary and success takes time. Criticism is a growth tool, for them, rather a judgment on their character. Lastly, they are able to improve because they are able to focus on the type of person they want to be instead of who they are currently.
Now, while it’s easy to make this black and white seeing some people have fixed mindsets and others have growth mindsets, life tends to be a little gray. There are times we will have fixed mindsets about ourselves but will also work on personal growth projects. We work to change while fighting to keep things the same.
I know for myself, I spent most of my non-adult life with a fixed mindset. I was “smart” as a kid so I didn’t have to work hard, I was pretty good at playing the saxophone so I didn’t really need to practice, and of course, I was a starter in Fencing because I was better than most of the people on the team. (Yes, I know I’m a nerd. It’s cool). I had the talent and others didn’t. I was arrogant. As I grow up, I realized I had to work for the things I truly wanted. Getting into my college fraternity, completing boot camp, and in shape to get a better fitness test score all took energy and work. I had flashes of a growth mindset but still, my fixed mindset prevailed. Recently, I’ve been working to change my mindset through hard-work, dedication, and practice. Slow and steady.
Developing a Growth Mindset:
It’s easy to say we need to develop a growth mindset but the question becomes “how?” Are there things we can do to change how we see the world? Sure there are but the important thing to remember, as with anything, developing the growth mindset “skill” will take hard work and patience. Here are some things we can do to cultivate this mindset.
Practice Failing: One of my favorite stories of individuals who have a growth mindset comes for Spanx Founder Sara Blakely. One of the things her dad would ask her at dinner each night was, “What have you failed at this week?” Each time he wanted her to have an answer. This wasn’t the request of an obsessive father who wanted his daughter to be perfect. This was a man who wanted his daughter to try new things, be adventurous, and not worry if she wasn’t the best.
We need to try things that scare us and we might find new things we actually enjoy. At the very least it will help us get comfortable with the uncomfortable. It was this one little question Ms. Blakely attributes to her success and being the youngest self-made female billionaire in America. We may not become a billionaire but maybe it will help us live the life we’ve always dreamed.
Work on Weaknesses: We all have a good idea of our strengths and weaknesses. This makes it easier to avoid the things we aren’t good at to focus on where we excel. This can limit our growth potential since we have become afraid of trying new things. In a similar vein to practice failing, we need to embrace our weaknesses. We don’t need to be scared of them but rather work on them making them better. Our flaws don’t need to hold us back but can be fun changes as we try to improve.
Learn Something New Every Day: One of the keys to a growth mindset is the ability and willingness to learn something new. This doesn’t need to be some amazing revelation about the meaning of life but could be a fun fact for the day. Something like: did you know a great white shark can only breathe when they are moving? If they stop moving they will die so they never sleep.
While it’s a good idea to take time each day to read, we can pick up our information from anywhere. Podcasts, audiobooks, YouTube, or even the next door neighbor all have something they can teach us if we are willing to learn. There’s also no better teacher than experience. Have a leaky faucet in the house or apartment? Find a YouTube video or Wikihow and try to fix it without the plumber. The point is to get out of our comfort zone and continue to learn.
Develop Identity Based Habits: I wrote about this a couple weeks ago talking about who we want to become. This is extremely important for a growth mindset. By focusing on who we want to become we are focusing on the process rather than the results. Here’s what I mean. “I want to lose 10 pounds,” is a result. It is what we want to happen. If we change the thought to “I want to be a healthier person,” then we are focusing on who we want to become. We are thinking about long-term goals and become interested in learning how to be healthier overall. What should we eat, how should we exercise, and what else can we do to increase our overall health? These are all things we get to explore, and more when becoming a healthier person.
I recently decided I want to become a freelance writer. If I was asked six months to a year ago if this was my plan, I probably would have laughed. When I think about it now I’m excited, and more than a little terrified. For years I only thought about monetary goals. I wanted to be a millionaire. I wanted to be rich. I bounced from idea to idea like Tigger from Winnie the Pooh because I didn’t care what I did as long as the money was there. Now I’m focused on who I want to be when I grow up. I’m focusing on the process and not the results of making money.
I know it’s easier to focus on the results because they are a tangible we can track, which is important. These numbers are still important to track to show we are heading in the right direction but if we only care about the numbers we will look for shortcuts. People who concentrate on who they want to become and the process to get them there will have increased, longer lasting results.
In the end, each mindset has its place but if we want to learn to be better than we were yesterday, we have to adopt a growth mindset. We need to remember our God-given talents and skills are only a starting point and it is our job to develop them further. We have to do away with words like “I can’t” or “I’m not a (fill in the blank)” and spend more time saying, “I can” and “This is who I want to be.”
There’s no doubt the world is a scary place and no one wants to be made fun of or thought of as dumb. It can be easy to hide in our little holes afraid to experience the world but then we spend our life scared of our own shadow. Sure a fixed mindset is safer in the short-term but in the long-term, our life is like a treadmill. We put thousands of miles on our bodies but never go anywhere. It’s time for us to go somewhere.