Bad Days to Good

Fuck, I am done with today. Hell, I was done with today before I woke up this morning. Was there anything wrong with today? Was there something I wasn’t looking forward to happening? Nope, not at all. I just wanted to roll over and go back to sleep until tomorrow.

I got to work like normal and tried to fake it for the day but I didn’t make it. All I could think about was writing my next blog post and ensure it got my point across. This left little room to do actual work. To set at my desk and produce the work I’m getting paid to produce. Things get into my head like a brain bug and I have a difficult time focusing until they are out.

The funny thing is I wasn’t even excited about the writing today. I have over a dozen topics on my list of future posts but I wasn’t ready for any of them. There were chapters of books I wanted to reread or articles I needed to find. I wasn’t worried about the posts being perfect but I didn’t want to waste my time. I’ve committed to posting on this blog 5-6 times per week which is forcing me to post imperfect products. Still doesn’t mean they can suck.

I know I wrote a post on Monday about positivity and how it affects your life. If I didn’t believe it when I wrote it, which I did, I sure believe it now. I’m tired, bitter, cranky, depressed and anxious, and all I want to do is go home to cry in the dark. (Is that Dashboard Confessional I hear?) I would categorize today as a bad day.

Still, I’m ok with this classification. Bad days can be a good thing. Bad days helps us appreciate the good days if we let them. Not every day can be sunshine and rainbows. The trick is to not let ourselves get sucked in too deep by the bad days. We need to stare at the bad days, embrace them, and let them go. Once our head hits the pillow, the day is over, and we get to start a new day.

Each day is a do-over. Each day is a chance to be better than we were the day before. The trick is to not be defined by the bad days or the good days but realize each day is what we make of it.

Sitting here writing, I’m glad today was a bad day. I’m glad I failed today. I was able to recognize my mindset, my feelings, and my shortcomings. Now I can take a look at my failures today to make tomorrow better. That’s exactly what I’m going to do too. I’m going to make tomorrow better.

Reading is Fun for Mentals…

For much of my life I’ve hated reading. I found it time consuming and difficult. Even if what I was reading was interesting I would find myself falling asleep fairly quickly, never getting too far. Hell, I disliked read so much I found the back of cereal boxes to be too much sometimes. I still have a difficult time reading longer articles, finding myself stopping part of the way through to do something else. It’s something I’ve struggled with for years but thankfully it’s becoming something I enjoy.

There is usually a reason people dislike doing something. I blame my dislike, almost hatred, for reading on my time at school. School almost singlehandedly killed my desire to read. Day in and day out we were forced to read some of the dumbest fucking books, the school system, called literature and clinically written textbooks. Books like Ethan Frome and the Scarlett Letter dominated the curriculum making me want to bang my head on the wall repeatedly. Even things like summer reading lists forced me to choose books others thought were worthwhile instead of giving me parameters to choose for myself.

Now that I’ve gotten this off my chest I want to talk about the real reason for this post. I love my kids and, like most parents, I want my kids to grow up better than I am. I want them to be physically and mentally prepared for everything life might throw at them. I want them to develop the love of learning, I feel, the educational system tried to beat out of me. This starts with reading.

Even before I knew how important reading was to my kids’ development, I would spend almost every night reading to them. Honestly, a good portion of my original thought process was selfish. I wanted to be a better read and I thought one of the best ways accomplish my goal was read to my kids every day. It’s worked too. The more I’ve read to them the more confident I’ve become as a reader. This wasn’t my only reason for reading to my kids. I had fond memories of my Dad reading to me before bed and I thought it was important to pass on the tradition.

I’ve since learned there are other important benefits to reading to your kids regularly. According to an article in the Washington Post by Amy Joyce, “Study after study shows that early reading with children helps them learn to speak, interact, bond with parents and read early themselves, and reading with kids who already know how to read helps them feel close to caretakers, understand the world around them and be empathetic citizens of the world.” The crazy thing is it seems to be working. My oldest is consistently one of the best readers in his class and continues to read grades above his level. Time will only tell if this continued practice will work with my two younger kids.

While I’m pumped to hear my son is one of the best readers in his class it, honestly, means very little. It’s not like it’s a competition with the other parents in his class. (Ok, maybe a little bit). What I find more exciting is his desire to read on his own. When he can’t sleep he regularly pulls out one of his books and reads on his own. That’s the win for me.

At some point I will write an entire post about my thoughts on learning vs education but I have one final thought to share. Learning is one of the most important traits we can develop in our kids. One of the most fundamental way we can foster this ability and desire is reading. The earlier and the better your kids can read the more they are able, and willing, to learn. The more they learn, the better prepared they will be for anything life throws at them and isn’t this truly what we want for them?

Please, if you have kids in your life read to them every day. I promise you won’t regret it.

I Can’t, Can I?

I’ve been on an elimination kick lately. There are tons of stuff in my life I want to get rid of to free up time, space, and energy to do what’s truly important to me. I’m getting rid of unwanted items from my house, I’ve deleted most of my game and social media apps from my phone, and I’m eliminating negative self-talk and other negative influences from my life. One of these bad influences is the phrase, “I can’t.”

Why am I trying to nicks the word “can’t” from my vocabulary? Frankly, it’s lazy. When someone says, “they can’t” do something what they typically mean is something completely different. It could be “I don’t want to” or “it’s not a priority right now.” It could mean, “I don’t know how” or “I’m not good at this.” It rarely means, “Under NO circumstance could I, would I, or should I have the ability to do to (fill in the blank here).”

The thing I’ve come to learn is words have meaning. (No shit, Joe, of course they do). What I mean is if you say something to yourself enough times it becomes true. Some people call it “the Secret,” but I call it self-talk. This self-talk can be positive and negative, as I’ve wrote about already, and can have a profound influence on your life. If you call yourself a loser enough times, you’ll become a loser. If you tell yourself you “can’t” do something, it’ll comes true.

Using “can’t” isn’t necessarily an issue if it’s used sparingly but I find people use the word too frequently. Then it’s not a matter of “can” vs “can’t” but “can’t” becomes the default.

I truly believe people can do just about anything they want to do. Sure there are things like becoming President of the United States which are near impossible but on a scale of 1 to becoming the President, most things are possible. Most things we “can’t” do fall into one of two categories: uninteresting or scary. This turns “can’t” into “I don’t wanna!”

When you say, “I can’t” you are lying to yourself and those around you. You might be afraid, busy, or uninterested, but completely unable is highly unlikely.

This is why I’m working on removing “can’t.” First I want to be more honest with those I care about, and second I don’t want to be governed by fear. I want to learn new things. I want to have new experiences. I want to be more present in my life. Unfortunately, I can’t I’m unable to do this with my old way of thinking. I need to change things up a little.

I want to change. I can change. I will change.

Practical Optimism

I’ve always considered myself a pessimist by nature. Yes, I know what I said in my last post and, at times, I definitely feel like I’m a Dashboard Confessional song away from being Emo. It’s exhausting and drains most of my energy. Up to this point I’ve talked a bunch about fear, anxiety, and being negative. Honestly, they are the easiest topics for me to write about since they are major driving factors in my life. They’ve been a part of me for so long they are ingrained into my being.

But that’s not the point of this blog. It’s not to focus on how my life was but what my life can become. Now that I’ve spent all of this time trying to fight the negative aspects of my I think it’s time to go in another direction. I want to focus on practical optimism.

According to the Mayo Clinic here are some of the possible benefits of positive thinking:

Increased life span
Lower rates of depression
Lower levels of distress
Greater resistance to the common cold
Better psychological and physical well-being
Better cardiovascular health and reduced risk of death from cardiovascular disease
Better coping skills during hardships and times of stress

I don’t know how true these are and from what I understand researcher don’t know why being positive can have these benefits. I have to ask, does it matter? Don’t you think it’s worth trying even if there is a slim possibility one of the above list items could happen? I think so.

“Sure, Joe, I’d like those benefits and I want to make a change but I have no idea where to start.” Touché! The best place to start is at the beginning, with the negative self talk. The Mayo Clinic states there are four main types of Negative Self-Talk: Personalizing, Catastrophizing, Polarizing, and, my personal favorite, Filtering. Some might be more prevalent than others but they can easily creep in and cause damage.

Now the thing us pessimists need to remember is change isn’t quick. It requires practice, patiences, and persistence. Positive thinking is a skill we need to work on everyday to become stronger. Here are some things you can work on to turn that frown upside down.

Morning Journaling: Write a paragraph in a journal, on the computer, or in the notes section of your phone, in the morning about something positive you are looking forward to during the day. Maybe it’s a trip, seeing some friends, your favorite show being on in the evening. One thing, 5 sentences, explaining what it is and why you’re excited.
Gratitudes: Every night before you go to bed and think of a couple of things which really pissed you off throughout the day. Maybe is was an abundance of traffic, or a fight with the spouse. Then say why you were grateful for that experience. You could be grateful you weren’t in the accident or, worse, the hospital. It’s about finding ways to turn negatives into positives.
Regular check-ins: throughout the day think about the negative you were focusing on and see how you can make it positive. Get yelled at by the boss or spouse. Maybe there’s something you can work on improving by turning it in constructive criticism. Set a few times and take a couple of minutes to the negative into positive.
Add more funny: When it comes to tv, movies, or life in general, there’s no shortage of drama for you to encounter. They say laughter is the best medicine and adding a sitcom, romcom, stand up special, or comic from the funnies into your life will help you focus less on the drama.
Cut out the negative people: They say you’re the average of the five people you hang around. If those people are always negative it will be difficult to change yourself. Sometimes you need to cut the negative people from your life. While this is often easier said than done, especially with coworkers and family, you can take steps to not let them bring you down. Maybe lesson contact or don’t engage when complaining about something that happened to them.

Now if you’re anything like me you might be worried about long term sustainability of this habit change. I totally understand because trust me I right there with you. What I recommend it taking two weeks focus solely on becoming more positive. This doesn’t mean sit around your house all day trying only think positive thoughts. Instead live your life but add some of the suggestions listed above.

As a fellow pessimist, I understand any possible apprehension but if you are willing to commit to this process I am too. For the next two weeks I will be posting on twitter what I’m doing each day to stay positive so you can follow along. This way you don’t have to go in this alone and you can hold me accountable. Lets jump into this together.

The Positives of Being Negative

When you think about a pessimist, who do you envision? My typical pessimist looks like an emo kid sitting alone in the dark. They tend to focus on what could go wrong instead of what could possibly go right. They are the boo hooers, the naysayers, and the negative Nancys (or Nathans… Happy Mom?)

These doom and gloom people in your life can be exhausting but what if you could harness their powers for good? What if you could take this focus on the negative and use it to make your life better? Would you be interested?

“But, Joe, what kind of devil magic is this in which you speak?” you might ask in your best Yoda impression. “Surely, there’s no positive about being negative.” Well, you’re wrong… and don’t call me Shirley. The answer is a little something called fear setting.

The first time I heard the term Fear Setting it was while listening to the 4 Hour Work Week by Tim Ferriss. This book is a manifesto about getting out of your own way to have the life you really want. This means figuring out what you want out of life and taking steps to get it. Though, at first read, it can feel like the slacker’s guide to becoming a millionaire, there is more to it. It’s about challenging societal norms and realizing just because it’s been done “the same way for years” doesn’t mean it’s the right way. For some reason, as human beings, we tend to make life harder on ourselves even when we want to make things better.

One of the exercises Tim prescribes in this book is called Fear Setting, which he got from the stoic philosopher Seneca the Younger. (I will talk more about Stoicism in another post because I find it extremely fascinating but this is all you’ll get here). Basically, this exercise has you visualizing on your worst case scenarios to find out if what’s holding you back is really as bad as it seems. If you lost your job tomorrow would it be the end of the world or would you recover? How about breaking up with your girl/boyfriend or getting a divorce or becoming paralyzed? Will your world end if these things happened to you or could you recover?

What this does is takes all of those scary thoughts you have bouncing around in your head and puts them out into the open. Out into the light of day. When you take the time to word vomit your problems, fears, and worst case scenarios onto “paper” you find they aren’t as scary as you thought they were. You find the worst case scenarios aren’t so worst case, there are things you can do to prevent your scenarios from happening, and finally you can plan on ways to recover from your personal apocalypse. It becomes less doom and gloom and becomes temporary pain and suffering. You’ve planned for this and now you know how to fix it. (To read the full chapter about fear setting from the 4 Hour Work Week click here. The exercise is at the end).

After you’ve put down on paper your worst case scenarios in vivid detail you can practice them. Once or twice a month, a quarter, or a year you try to approximate living in these scenarios to inoculate yourself when the real shit hits the fan. Afraid of losing your job and not having any money? Spend a week only eating rice and beans or sleeping your car and showering at work. Afraid of losing a hand or arm? Go a day or two with your off hand tied to your side. Afraid of getting a divorce and being all by yourself? Take a solo trip out of town for a few days to see how it feels.

The fears and practice scenarios are up to you and can be as creative as you want them. The important part is finding ways to take the fear setting one step further by applying a practical application to them. Now not only do you think you can live through these scenarios but you know because you’ve done it. Every time you feel the fear start to creep back in you give yourself another “injection.”

That’s what I’ve done here. I worried about what people would think about my writing for so long I knew I needed to take action. When I started the blog I felt good but it wasn’t enough since I was still afraid to have the world read it. Then I shared I started a blog, on Facebook. I learned it wasn’t as bad as I imagined and was something I needed to continue. Even if the feedback was mostly negative, it was still worth doing because I could easily recover by moving forward anyway or finding a new project.

My point here is many times thing feel horrible, debilitating, or even the end of the world but can be recovered from. Sometimes pessimism is practical. So what are you waiting for? It might just change or save your life!

The 3 Reasons I Write

When I originally decided I wanted to start a blog, some months ago, the idea was to be a repository of “wisdoms” I wanted to share with my kiddos. Things I learn throughout the years and wanted to let them know. This was to prevent me from shot-gunning advice to them all over the place. I have a tendency to be inconsistent at times and it can feel like I’ve put zero thought into what I’m saying or why I’m saying it. I worry they feel I rant because I’m a crazy person. The problem is I don’t always do a good job articulating why I say or do things which, I’m sure, feel unfair.

Instead of writing for the kiddos, I decided to write for me. I’m writing things down I want to remember. I also hope there’s the secondary benefit of helping you, and, eventually, my kids.

Those who know me know I’m a very anxious person. I worry about my life, my future, my wife, my kids, family, and my friends. I worry about how people think of my now and how they’ll think of me in the future. I fear being irrelevant and going my whole life with little to nothing to show for it. It’s something I’ve been dealing with all my life, often extremely poorly. I’ve let it become debilitating and hinder much of my personal growth over the last 36 years.

I’ve spent most of my life thinking about the future and what it held for me. Being a science fiction fanatic, I’ve always looked towards the future in anticipation and fear. I remember when I was 18, my parents asked me to write down where I thought I would be at the age of 25 and 35. Back then, I thought I was going to be a GLORIOUS day trader who had a million dollars in the bank by the age of 35. Well, I’m 36 now and I’m lucky if I have 2% of that million in the bank at this moment. Most days I just feel like a complete and utter failure. My saving grace is I’m not giving up and I’m continuing to fight, especially for my kids.

Over the last year, I embarked on a period of rediscovery. While most of it has been a colossal failure, I found writing, starting with the desire to journal. Many successful people say they journal every day, and wanting to be successful, I thought I’d try it. It was never a regular practice but I found I would write during periods of deep anxiety. Writing what’s on my mind seems to take the pressure off and it relaxes me. I found it cathartic.

When I was a kid, I thought writing was girly and dumb. Girls had dairies to write down their feels and hide them under their pillows. Boys didn’t need to write their feelings down, they just needed to swallow hard, and “Man Up.” Clearly, this line of thinking has been SUPER helpful for all these years (this is sarcasm). So now I write.

Since I’ve started writing I’ve learned three important things:

Learning how to write effectively helps you to become a better communicator in your own right. You don’t have to be a “writer,” whether it’s a blogger, journalist, author, etc., but just need to a dude/dudette with a journal. Either way, you will need to communicate with others on a regular basis. The more you practice writing, the better you will be at getting your point across by organize your thoughts into a logically cohesive way. No matter who you are or what you do, being an effective communicator helps in all aspects of your life.
Coming back to the catharsis of writing, I believe it helps with something called fear setting. Tim Ferriss has talked at length about fear setting and writing down your fears to make them more manageable. (I’ll talk more about this in another post). While I think his fear setting exercise is excellent, sometimes you just need to write down what you are thinking to get it out of your head. Your head is a nebulous place where fear, doubt, and anxiety enjoy living and need the darkness to grow. Writing shines a light on fear so it can no longer sustain itself. Taking away fear’s power will help make you a better, more balanced, less angry person.
Writing helps create better ideas by developing your analytical side. If you’re anything like me ideas get into your head like a brain bug and infect you. They swirl around all day making it difficult to focus on anything. Maybe it’s a problem you are trying to solve or an idea for the next lifesaving widget. Much the fear setting, this exercise provides a safe place to problem solve and figure out next steps by looking back, ordering, and reordering thoughts until they make sense.

Can you do these things without a regular writing practice? Sure, you can. Is this the best way to work on these skills? Maybe not. What I do know is writing is the first thing I’ve found to work, and Lord knows I’ve been trying. Now I’m here writing every day to become a better communicator, build a defense against my anxiety, and become a better problem solver.

So, I encourage you to join me by starting to write now, today, and often.

Fear of Blogging Part 2

(This is part 2 of my fear of blogging post. Check out part 1 here first)

So Monday I did a thing. I was writing about how afraid I was for people to find out I started a blog, I thought the best way to overcome this fear was to let as many people know about it as possible. Right now the largest community of friends and family I have is on Facebook. So I put myself out there by putting a post up on Facebook letting everyone know about the blog and where to find it.

The AMAZING thing was the overwhelming number of positive comments and replies I received. People I haven’t talked to in years left comments congratulating me on starting this project and urging me to continue. Over the last 48 hours, almost every time I checked Facebook there was something new to see. It feels awesome.

Then it hit me in the face like a ton of bricks. Holy shit… Now everyone knows I started this thing there’s no hiding anymore. This means quitting isn’t an option anymore. If I decided to quit because it gets too hard then people will notice. People will ask what happened and I’ll have to tell them I couldn’t hack it.

I realized I burned the boats and there’s no going back. Failure might be an option but quitting isn’t anymore.

This thought scared the shit out of me. “You mean I have to continue to put effort into something? I started something and I have to see it through? Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God!”

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When people talk about the fear of starting something new they usually focus on the fear of failure. What if I’m not good enough? What if no one likes it? What if they laugh at me? If you are anything like me, one or all of these thoughts have crossed into your mind when starting something new.

The nice thing about the fear of failure is if you put yourself out there and it doesn’t work you go back to the status quo. Back to your comfort zone. You get to tell yourself, “See, I told you it wouldn’t work. You should have stayed here where it was safe.” The resistance comes to you. It comforts you, giving you a nice warm place to hide from the world again.

What people don’t realize is there’s the fear of success as well. It’s the “Holy shit, this worked! What do I do now?” Now, not only are you out of your comfort zone but you’re in uncharted waters. You’re a trailblazer in your own life and have to figure out the next steps by yourself. There’s no safe place or a warm fire to protect you. You are out in the wilderness, disoriented, wondering which way to go. Good luck, STUPID!

Before I put the post on Facebook I was afraid of people thinking it would suck. Then I got all of the positive comments and I was happy I conquered my fears. Then I realized I had no choice but to continue writing and I started to freak out again. I had succeeded, at least for now, and I was in those uncharted waters. Now, what do I do?

The nice thing is, as I sit here writing this post, the fears are melting away. I’m remembering why I’ve decided to start this blog in the first place. I find writing cathartic and I wanted a place to share my writing with others. It’s not about failing or succeeding. It’s not about people liking or hating what I’ve written. It’s about me and helping me work to become a better person. Success and people liking my writing are added bonuses to what I’m doing.

Every day is going to be a challenge. Every day I’ll have to find something new. Every day I’ll have to push myself a little bit more. As Ryan Holiday would put it the Obstacle is the Way. The longer I go the better I’ll become and isn’t this the point of what I’m doing?

P.S. If you’ve read these two posts and have something you’re afraid of working starting, leave me a comment below or send me a message. I’d love to hear about it.

Fear of Blogging Challenge

With this post, I’ve officially been blogging for over a week. This will be article number eight for me, out on the Internet for all to see, whether they are reading it or not. Two very interesting things happened to me during this time. First, my parents found out I was blogging and second, I admitted what I was going to by brother-in-law.

Why is this such a big deal for me? Both times I became apprehensive about the thought of someone I know reading my stuff. I was embarrassed.

The funny thing is I’m less concerned with the random jamokes on the Internet. I don’t know them so their negative opinions mean very little to me. My family and good friends, on the other hand, mean a great deal to me and this is where the fear comes into play. Like Marty McFly, I worry about one of them saying, “Get out of here, kid. You’ve got no future.”

This isn’t a new feeling for me. I’ve always been worried about being judged by family and friends. Hell, I didn’t even tell my wife I started a blog.

This fear has always been crippling for me. I get excited about an idea but as soon as it starts to feel real, I abandon it. I know eventually, I’ll have to share it with them. What if they thought what I wrote was stupid. I’m not sure I can handle that kind of rejection.

I’m not sure I would have noticed my apprehension if I hadn’t read this article from Foundr about needing mental toughness.

It then hit me like a ton of bricks. I need to conquer my fears and inadequacies but sharing my blog with more people. I need to put this out there for anyone and everyone to read. The best way for me accomplish this is through Facebook.

So that’s what I’ve done. Shared it will my Facebook community. I know I’ll be judged, both good and bad. Some people may even talk shit about it. Either way, I’ll know it’s working. This will be interesting.

Why I’ve Started a Blog in 2018

Hello. I want to officially welcome you to my blog! I’m Joe Ditzel and I’m happy you stopped by my site. I know this probably should have been the first post on this site but I got excited about starting to write I decided to save this for today.

You might be wondering why I’ve decided to start a blog in 2018 when the world already feels overrun by them. I’ve been doing a lot of reading recently trying to figure out “my thing.” The thing I could do to get out of my rut. Learn a new skill, start a side hustle, mediated on the meaning of life, or whatever else comes to mind. I’ve been writing on and off for the past two years now and find it extremely cathartic when I get around to it. Recently, I read something which stuck with me, though I can’t remember where I got it, “Stop being a consumer and start being a producer.”

What the hell does that mean you might ask? I’ll tell you. Most of our lives are spent in consumer mode. We read, watch TV, play video games, buy stuff, and in the end, we do a whole lot of taking. Some of these things may even feel productive. The problem is we spend most of our time in consumer mode and spend little time creating anything of value.

What are we doing with the information we are absorbing? Do we even use it most of the time? Does it go in one ear and right out the other? Maybe you are like me and try to share what you’ve learned with your family and friends? Unfortunately, most of the time it feels like I’m pissing in the wind. (We get it, Joe, you like listening to podcasts. Shut up about it)!

I’ve become a really great consumer in a lot of ways. I continue to take and horde and take some more. I never seem happy with what I have and I’m always looking for more. Sure I might share things I learned but most of the time I come off sounding arrogant. I’m not producing anything. I’m not putting myself out there to be judged by the world. I sit in my safe space and yell into the void. Like a Planet Fitness member, I’ve chosen to live in a judgment-free zone… until now.

At this point in my life, I’m tired of only being a consumer. Someone who wakes up a mediocre dude and whose goal is to make it to the end of the day to start the process all over again. As Jarred Moon from End of Three Fitness would say, “I want to be a better human!” I want to learn, grow, change, and adapt to this new world around me. I want to be a better human for my wife and three beautiful children. I want to leave this world feeling like I made a difference, even if it is a small one, and not with the overwhelming feeling of mediocrity.

So that’s the goal here with the Joe Ditzel Project. I want to build a better Joe Ditzel. I want to continue to read, watch, and listen and then come back here to share it with you. Maybe you’ll find it helpful. Who knows? All I know is if I didn’t start last week I never would have found out. I hope you’ll come along for the ride with me.

You Are Special, But…

Apparently, when I was growing up it was all sunshine and rainbows. Kids were told they were special, they were loved, and they could be anything they wanted in the world. We were told this all the time and we believed it. The world was our oyster. We wanted to change the world and bringing people together.

Then, as we grew up. The world changed. We weren’t special but became entitled Millennials. We became the generation who “didn’t want to work hard” and “wanted everything handed to them.” Soon the term Millennials became synonymous with lazy pieces of shit. People used it the same way my grandmother would use the term “gypsy,” with hatred and disgust.

As Millennials, we become self-loathing trying their best to disassociate from that word. We hid from it. People didn’t want to be special or unique because it was now a “dirty” word. “You think you’re better than everyone?” “You think you should be treated differently than everyone else?”

Here’s the thing, kids. Those people, the haters, they want us to be mediocre. They want us to be average. They want to bring us to the median to feel better about themselves. They don’t want us to stand out because they might have to admit their own inadequacies, and that scares them. They want to keep us down so we don’t become better than they are. Those people want us to be losers, followers, and a “yes, men/women.”

My favorite example of this comes from the movie Fight Club. In the second half of the film, Tyler Durden starts up Project Mayhem and recruits followers. As they work, he repeatedly yells phrases like, “Listen up, maggots. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You’re the same decaying organic matter as everything else.”

When I first watched this movie, it was real easy to get swept up into this sentiment. We ARE all the same, and we ARE all made of the same atoms. Maybe Tyler has a point. Maybe I’m not a beautiful and unique snowflake. Maybe, “I am the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.”

The thing is Tyler Durden was building an army he could lead. He didn’t want anyone challenging his authority. He wanted his people to be complacent. If he told them they were pieces of shit enough times, they would believe it, and they would follow his lead without question. Why wouldn’t they? If they were the same decaying organic matter, crap of the world as everyone else why not just follow the leader? Tyler striped away everyone’s identity to make everyone the same and keep everyone down.

Recently, I’ve come to realize something. WE ARE SPECIAL! WE ARE A BEAUTIFUL AND UNIQUE SNOWFLAKE. We are one of a kind and there will not be anyone like us ever again. Even identical twins are never exactly the same. They may have similar thought patterns, and share similar life experiences, but they are never exactly the same. Remember, we have value. We have worth. We have something to offer the world, and we should be proud to do so as often as possible.

Okay! Now here’s the caveat. We may be special but that entitles us to absolute DICK! The universe owes us nothing. Life isn’t fair and us will have to go out there every day to earn it. As the Navy SEAL Commander, Jocko Wilink, says you have to “get after it!” If you want to be taken seriously you will have to show the world what you are made of by putting in the work.

It’s going to be hard. It’s not always going to be fun. There will be days we’ll want to play video games or binge tv all day. We will fall and not want to get back up. And just when we think we have the world all figured out, it will put us back on our asses.

Sounds exciting doesn’t? Sounds like a barrel full of monkeys? I know it doesn’t but anything in this life worth having will take time and effort. This is the lesson I only recently started to learn. There are no shortcuts, just better/smart ways of doing things. There aren’t any overnight successes.

My point is this. We are special but the world don’t owe us anything. We will have to show the world we’re special every day. We will fail, but those are just bumps in the road. Failure only define us if we let them. Let’s show the world what we can do. Let’s NEVER hold back! Now, “Get after it”!