I’m Back With the #1 Way to Be Happy!

Image Credit: Pixabay

It’s been a while since I posted anything and for this I apologize. I was trying to work on some big changes, but they are taking longer than I planned. Instead of waiting any longer I decided I needed to get back on the horse and continue writing. The plan from now one is to write two posts a week, on Tuesdays and Fridays, allowing me to continue to raise the quality of each post. As time permits, I will add bonus posts here and there. Until then, I hope you enjoy.

How often do we wake up in the morning wishing we could roll back over and sleep the day way? We think about the jobs we must go to or the myriad of responsibilities we have throughout the day. We think about our massive To-Do lists and become exhausted instead of energized. I know this is how I am most mornings.

The problem is we are unhappy with our lives. We don’t like the direction it is headed. With each passing day it becomes easier and easier to feel stuck in the life we feel is going nowhere.

We want to be excited to wake up each morning, proud of the direction our lives are headed. We want to feel fulfilled and know our life has purpose. We want to be happy.

But what does it mean to feel happy? Well, according to Google, the expert on EVERYTHING, happiness is the state of feeling or showing pleasure or contentment. As my sister would say, “It’s living a life we don’t need a vacation from.”

“Thanks for the English lesson, Joe, but what is this magical key to being happy?” Okay, we go. The number one way to be happy is to change. That’s right, I said it. We need to change.

“I don’t know what’s worse, Joe? Your click bait title or your fortune cookie advice.” Hold on a second and let me explain. For those of us who are chronically unhappy, me included, it’s because we continue to do the same thing, day in and day out, expecting different results. Sure, we might try something new once or twice, but it doesn’t take us long to fall off the horse. Then we throw our hands up in the air, say “I can’t do it,” and continue with our lives. Does this make sense?

We feel stuck because we don’t want to or are unwilling to change. For many of us, fear is what’s holding us back. Fear of failing, fear of success, fear of disappointment, or plain fear of the unknown. Whatever the reason, we are holding ourselves back and no one else. How can we expect anyone else to take us seriously if we won’t take ourselves seriously?

Change isn’t easy. Change sucks. Change is something many of us resist because it’s easier to continue where we are than to move forward. Change takes willpower, time, and energy which are three things many of us have in short supply.

The most important thing about change is no one can do it for us. We must want it. We must chase after it. We must be the ones who put in the work, every day, to ensure it happens. I know it’s easier said than done but here are a few things we can do to move the ball forward.

Making a Change:

Now we know what to do but how do we go about making those changes? Here are five things we can try changing:

Make on small consistent changes/establish a new routine:

The interesting thing about change is many times big change comes from making small, consistent changes over a long period of time. When trying to lose weight, it’s much easier to make a smart, healthy breakfast each day then it is to go full Paleo. Sure, it’s better to change our diets completely to only healthy meals, but it’s difficult to maintain. There are times I fail before I even begin.

Big changes can be daunting which causes us to become overwhelmed quickly, causing us to fail, and perpetuating the cycle of feeling like a failure.

We need to start with small, consistent changes by introducing one or two new habits at a time. I know I have a problem of wanting to make all the changes at once, but this quickly becomes as overwhelming as making one big change. It can be too much to handle.

Instead, making one or two small changes at a time allows us to get accustom to this new routine seamlessly. After the new habits or changes become routine, we can feel free to add a couple more.

Meet new people:

Everyone’s favorite. Meeting new people. Why is it scary for so many people? I think it has something to do will all the unknowns. Will we have anything in common? Will they be boring? Will they be obnoxious? Will they find me obnoxious? Will I ever see them again and if the answer is no, why bother talking to them in the first place?

These are all valid concerns and there are plenty more where those came from, I’m sure. Should these concerns stop us from trying to meet new people? Of course not. Though some people we meet might suck, there will be plenty of gems too. People we will be thankful we took the time to meet.

One of my favorite stories to tell is about meeting my best friend, and now my brother-in-law. Shortly after getting to my first duty station in the Navy, another friend of mine, Alan, and I walked into his barrack’s room to see this goofy looking dude sitting on one of the twin beds. I immediately disliked this guy for no good reason. A week or two later Alan left to go back home for the weekend leaving me with nothing to do. I figured, “why not see if the new guy wants to hang out?” We hung out for the entire weekend and became fast friends.

Fast forward to today. He married my sister and we talk almost every day. We were on the ship together, we lived together, and we went to Iraq and Kuwait together. He’s also one of my longest running friendships I have in my life. None of this would have happened if I hadn’t decided to meet someone new, or at least get to know them better.

Again, I know when we try to meet new people we’ll find plenty of duds. They are uninteresting, boring, or even obnoxious and we won’t want anything to do with them. That’s okay. It will happen but for dud we meet there is an equal or greater number of fascinating people out there for us to discover.

Try new experiences:

Bucket list have become increasingly popular as we dream about everything we want to do with our lives. The thing is, when was the last time we checked anything off the list? When was the last time we were a little adventurous and did something completely out of the norm? Sky diving, surfing, rock climbing? It could be something as simple as walking around a new area town or taking a hike in the woods.

The point is, we get stuck in these ruts and routines and don’t see a way out. Can’ts and have tos take over and the things we want to make time for begin to fall by the wayside. We make excuses to explain why we are unable to do what we want. Wife, kids, job, and other responsibilities all become a priority (which are obviously important) until we slowly start to lose pieces of ourselves. Then all we are left with, in the end, is a mountain of regret.

Sometimes we need to shake things up. We need to go outside, take a trip (with or without the family), and get a little crazy. There are plenty of ways to have new experiences by walking out the front door. Take a chance and live a little. Maybe we can check something off the ever-growing bucket list too.

Learn a new skill:

Learning new skills has always been scary for me. If I try something out once or twice and I’m not good at it, I tend to give it up pretty quickly. Why? I don’t like looking or feeling stupid. Frankly, I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m not alone. This is probably a feeling many of us share.

Why should be care about looking stupid? There are plenty of people who look stupid or suck when they first start out. It’s kind of the point. What makes those people different? They don’t over think the situation, don’t mind looking silly, and care more about the new skill more than looking dumb.

I’m sure there’s also the fear of time. When do we have time to learn this new skill? How long will it take before we become good at it? Then we start comparing ourselves to others and it’s easy to become frustrated.

Learning a new skill, however, takes less time than we might think. In his second book The First 20 Hours, author Josh Kaufman explains it only takes 20 hours of deliberate practice to learn a new skill. In his Ted Talk about the subject he says, “That’s 45 minutes a day for a month, and it allows you to skip a few days.”

With his easy formula we can learn anything we want to in a minimal amount of time. We won’t be elite experts, but we will have the skill. This means we have even less excuses than before to try something new.

With all the free or inexpensive tools, guides, and information on the internet it’s easier than ever to learn something new. How do we figure out what skill to learn? Well, if nothing jumps out at us immediately, we can start by making list of skills we’d like to learn. They might be skills to help at work, something we want to learn for a future career, or for fun. This is no wrong answer.

Me? What’s on my list? Well, I’ve decided I want to learn sleight of hand card tricks to use at my monthly poker game. It worked for Edward Norton, didn’t it?

Forgiving Ourselves:

I think this is a difficult one for many people. I know it’s difficult for me. Even if we try to go through life without regrets, it’s easy to wonder how our life would be different, if not better, if we made changes to our lives’ years ago. Unfortunately, until Dr. Brown invents the Flux Capacitor, and time travel along with it, we are stuck on our current trajectory.

According to an ancient Chinese proverb: “the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second-best time is now.” Basically, we are not able to change the past, but we can start today to change for the future. Part of this change starts by letting go of the past. It involves forgiving ourselves for not being willing or able to make changes in our lives sooner. It’s okay we didn’t start earlier because we weren’t ready. We still had things we needed to learn.

By forgiving ourselves for our past we can move forward into the future. We are recognizing our past mistakes and learning from them. We know what we need to do and can get after it. All those times we didn’t start or tried but were unsuccessful, these were not failures but were teachable moments. Moments we needed to experience to get us here, where we are today.

We need change the way we see ourselves. So, let’s take a moment today to look in the mirror, and forgive ourselves for all the anger, bitterness, and resentment we’re holding onto in our lives. We deserve it.

I want to finish with this last statement. Change isn’t about achieving perfection. This post is not about how we are worthless people who need to change because there is something wrong with us. We are not deficient. We are not garbage.

We, in fact, are awesome individuals with unique paths, choices, and experiences. No two people are the same and we each have something unique to teach and share. We need to revel in our individuality and be proud of this fact.

Change is about continuing to grow and learn. The change I’m talking about involves figuring out what we truly want in life, moving passed our fears, and chasing our dreams. This could be a new career, crazy new experiences, or more time with people we love, doing the things we love. Happiness comes from figuring out who we are. Change can be a great way to get us there.

(Bonus) Perfect is Boring Challenge

Image Credit: Pixabay

Today, I issued a challenge to post/share publically something you haven’t shared because it was unfinished or not perfect. The goal is to become more comfortable and get over the fear of being imperfect. This would make it easier to share more of your imperfect work in the near future.

Not wanting to be left out or have you thinking I’m not up to my own challenge I’m sharing the post below to show I still struggle with imperfection. As you’ll see there are a few breaks and restarts. Now everything will make sense because it is still a draft but I’m stilling willing to share it. While I believe in the topic and eventually I’ll post the completed draft, at this moment I’m unable to find the “perfect” words to explain my point. Enjoy.

“I don’t have the time.” It’s a phrase I’m extremely tired of hearing and one I’m working hard to remove from speak, much like “I can’t.” The more I hear it the more frustrated I get by the people who use it. Frankly, I feel it’s lazy. When we say, “I don’t have time,” or its sister phrase, “I’m too busy,’’ what we are really saying is, “It’s not a priority” or “I don’t want to.”

The problem, I’ve found, is we waste so much time on things we don’t want to do, things we could do better, or things that don’t matter. I know most of us have made plans we wish we didn’t, binged watched an entire season of a show on Netflix, or tried to get the bottom of our Facebook Newsfeed. It happens to the best of us and it’s not necessarily a bad thing. It is important to spend time to unwind and relax. We need “me time.”

Unfortunately, we abuse the “me time” we take for ourselves. Instead of making it focused quality time, we procrastinate, putting off the things we need to do until the last minute. Then we are scrambling to get the important things done while other things get missed. There are a total of 168 hours in a week. When you subtract the time we spend at work, the commute, and 8 hours of sleep we are left with as much as 62 hours each week to get things done.

“But, Joe, I’m a very important person and lots of things I NEED to get done. I don’t have time to waste time.” Uh huh, sure! It’s easy to feel like we don’t waste time. I was only on Facebook

First we need to understand our priorities. While these could be things we want to do from our bucket list, most likely they are items we need to do every day. Making dinner, getting ready for work, laundry, and spending time with our families are responsibilities we have on a regular basis. Then there are things we choose to take on beyond our normal responsibilities. This could be volunteering, helping a friend move, cleaning out our attic, or working out to be healthy. Lastly, we have bucket list type items. Once we take some time to create this list and put things in an order of importance we can find ways to give us more time.

My favorite way to give myself more time is bundling. While some days I do this better than others, I’ve found it to be an effective way to give myself more time during the week. This is the process of doing a task you might spread out over the course of a week like grocery shopping or folding laundry and doing it all at once. By bundling certain tasks together, we save time by not having to prepare each time we want to do the same task. Something as simple as ironing a shirt every morning could take 10 minutes a day or almost an hour a week but might only take 15-20 minutes if the shirts were ironed all at once. The iron is already out, warmed up, and ready to go. We only need to use it once. So much time can be saved by bundling tasks together it’s surprising we don’t do more of it.

The second way to create more time is to delete responsibilities. These is obviously more difficult than bundling but might be even more important. Many of us have a difficult time saying no to things. People ask us for help and we oblige because we don’t want to let them down. There are other tasks we feel are important but if they were removed from our lives we would never notice. These items need to go on our priority list somewhere usually bumping something else we thought was important, down the list. The problem is we didn’t want to do it in the first place but we didn’t want to say “No.” There are also PLENTY of responsibilities we take on because we want to and we think they are priorities but wouldn’t be missed if they were gone.

Delete and understanding your priorities

Our lives are filled with maybes and somedays. Someday I’ll start a business. Maybe when things slow down I’ll organize my closet. Someday I’ll get to spend more time with my kids, parents, or friends. Maybe, if I had more time, I could finally take my dream vacation. “These all sound nice but where will I find the time, Joe?” I have a few ideas.

The problem is we don’t understand our priorities. We classify everything as important even when it isn’t. Then things which should be important get pushed to the back burner relegated to “maybe someday.” We need to understand all the things we need or want to accomplish and put a true order or importance. Take time to do an honest assessment of your list. Are there tasks you can bundle together like planning the meals for the week and grocery shopping for everything? Are there tasks you can delegate or ask someone for help on like moving furniture or pick up the kids from school? Are there tasks you have on the list you’ve been putting off for

Trying bundling. This planning meals for the week and buying all of the groceries at once instead of each day. Or picking out work clothes and ensuring they are ready instead of each morning. You can even bundle different chores together like doing the dishes while dinner is in the oven or cleaning your room while the laundry is in the washer and dryer.

Finding My “Why” When it Comes to This Blog!

Why the fuck am I writing? Today is the 30th blog post I’ve written and I still don’t know why I continue writing. So not I am forcing myself to think about this question. Why I write is a question I thought I had a vague answer to when I started but it gets muddier every day.

When I first started writing, it was out of a sense of urgency. For years I’ve wanted to write but was too afraid to put myself out there. I hid behind “maybes” and “somedays” and the dreaded “I don’t have the time.” My fear of looking foolish was more intense than my desire to create. The day I started, I slapped myself in the face, put words on a page, and posted them on the internet.

Then I thought it was to build me up and give me a sense of purpose. I’ve been in passive self-discovery mode for the last couple of years, reading and learning, but not really doing anything with the information. I would try something I learned but would stop quickly when things got difficult or the next shiny object would dance in front of me. Like Thomas Edison, I found a 1000 different ways to NOT create the lightbulb.

As the days went on, I thought it was a way to help other people. I figured I’d done enough reading and listening to other people’s ideas I could share them, with my own thoughts, bring clarity to myself and others. This would build a guru level status for me, which I could leverage to bigger and better things. Today the Joe Ditzel Project, tomorrow… THE WORLD! MWAHAHAHA!

Out of the 30 posts I’ve written, four of them were the “Here are my tips and tricks” type posts. I fucking HATED writing them. First they were long, tedious, and boring (sorry Mom. I didn’t mean to say the “B” word). Second, they weren’t me. These articles were everyone else. These articles were me trying to be like everyone else out there with little life hacks. While there’s nothing wrong with those articles, hell I love them and read them all the time, they aren’t me. It’s not my voice. It’s not how I want to write.

This weekend, after some serious self-doubt and the desire to quit this blog altogether, I came to a conclusion. I need to find my why. Why do I want to write and why should people listen to me? This idea comes from the Simon Simek book aptly titled, “Start with Why,” which helps to start people down the rabbit hole of self-discovery, by forcing them to take time to think. No matter what the endeavor, creative or otherwise, there needs to a reason for being. Once the why is figured out we can move onto the what and the how. (What are we going to do and how are we going to accomplish it?)

I may not know my “why” yet but I do know one thing, I need to keep writing. I need to keep putting myself out there, into the world, to see where this gravy train will take me. Until then, I’ll see you Wednesday.

My 4 Favorite Apps for Learning on the Go

Learning is the most important thing we can do as human beings. It is how we grow, develop, and become better than we were. If we aren’t willing to continue learning we become stagnant, useless, and mindlessly moving through life. So we need to learn to progress further. This could a new skill, fun fact, or get better at something we already love. Some of the best ways I’ve found are through books, podcasts, blogs, YouTube videos, coaches, and personal experience there are tons of ways to learn something new.

Even with all this information out there I still find books to be one of the all around best ways to learn new ideas from experts. The free information on the web is good but there tends to be holes left in the material or it’s really broad making it difficult to find actionable. Personal coaching and personal experience can be extremely informative but can be expensive as well making it less practical to most people. Books are the best of both worlds: informative and inexpensive.

The problem with books is an issue of time. I’m sure there is plenty of wasted time which we could relocate to reading Instead we tend to watching TV or playing on our phones rather than read. Then there’s the portability issue. Sure most books are small enough to fit in a purse or backpack but who really wants to carry one more thing around with them. Don’t we already carry enough stuff with us?

As I’ve tried to read more, within the last couple of years, I’ve run into these issues and avoided reading because of them. It’s not a priority if it’s not on my phone, am I right Millennials? Seriously though there is still so much out there I want to learn and plenty of time I waste when I could be productively learning. Thankfully I’ve found a few ways around this problem.

Here are 4 of my favorite apps for learning:

Kindle eReader: If you’re reading this post there’s a better than likely chance you’ve heard of Amazon. Whether you like them or not they make it easier than ever to buy all kinds of books. One of the most exciting things they’ve done is turn every book in their inventory into eBooks allowing users to carry entire book libraries on a device as small as your phone. Now, no matter where you are, you can skip Social Media and read a book.

Audible: This Amazon owned company is the largest supplier of audiobooks around. Leave your CDs and Walkman at home because these audiobooks can hang out on your phone, iPod, or tablet. I know it’s not always easy to find the time to sit down to read but Audible lets us “read” those books when are eyes are otherwise occupied. I’ve listen to books while driving to work, doing chores around the house, and running errands. Since most business/productivity books last between 7-10 hrs long it’s fairly easy to go through 1 book a week. Imagine finishing 52 new books by next year. That’s crazy. How many are you reading now?

Overdrive/Libby: This is one of my new favorite apps and the main reason I wanted to write this post. I actually found out about this app by accident and I’m so glad I did.

I love reading to my kids but books can be expensive so we don’t buy them frequently. This means I’m reading the same books over and over again which is boring. (Sorry Mom). About six months ago I did something radical and took the kids to our local library. “Do people still use libraries anymore?” one might ask. Good question and I asked the same thing. Much to my surprise people still do and it didn’t take me long to figure out why. THE BOOKS ARE FREE AND THEY ARE EVERYWHERE! Within 10 minutes my kids found more books then we would read in the two weeks we had them. I even found some things myself.

The problem was I could borrow whatever book I wanted but was I seriously going to sit down to read them? Let’s be honest… I wasn’t. Thankfully, they had pamphlets for this app called Libby by Overdrive. This would allow me to sync my library card with the app and borrow ANY eBook my library had purchased, for free. They even have audiobooks on there too. This way you can find the format which works best for you. It wasn’t long before I felt like I was winning so much I was getting sick of winning. I’ve gone through several books using Libby and I can’t wait for more.

Apple Podcasts/Stitcher: Okay so this isn’t a book app but there’s so much information and stuff to learn, I couldn’t leave it out. Every year more and more people start podcasts and even more find them. There are so many podcasts out there you’re almost guaranteed to find something you’re interested in hearing. If not you can always start your own.

I’ve learned about so many different thinkers and experts in their field through podcasts I don’t think I would have found on my own. I’ve picked up their books, started reading their blog, or listened to their podcasts, again, expanding my horizons. The best part is they are free, you can listen to them like audiobooks, and they are constantly being refreshed with new content. If it not for podcasts I don’t think I would writing this blog.

I know each have their downsides and drawbacks but, I find, when they are used together they are a powerhouse of learning. I’m in at least one but usually using more than one just about every day. Though most of what I want to learn is business or personal development related, each app has something for everyone, including fiction and audio dramas. I invite you to check them out and let me know what you think.

Are You Ready?

When we hear the phrase “Are You Ready” it can mean several different things. It could mean are you ready to go or are you ready to do this? It could mean are are you ready for what’s about to come or it could mean are you ready of what’s next? How about are you ready for a change?

If you’re anything like me, life can feel a little stale and stagnant. It’s the same thing day in and day out which can be draining. It can feel like all we do is waking up, going to work, coming home, going to bed, and repeat. Am I right? Sound familiar?

It can easily feel like we are stuck in a rut we don’t know how to get out of anymore. We show up, put on a smile, and move on with our lives. It sucks right? Can’t it get tiring trying to fake it all the time?

Of course we want to change but it easier said than done. Change takes time and effort and we are running short on both of them. We are drain from the everyday tedium and it’s difficult to find the energy for something new, something to help us grow. We fire off in a million different directions, all at once, hoping something will land but nothing rarely sticks. When it does stick it isn’t for long.

But change is the reason I started this blog. I was tired of spinning my wheels but getting nowhere. When I finally had enough, and decided I wanted to go somewhere, I started writing my stuff to share. I decided to us one of my “bullets” to develop a writing habit. I think it’s been good so far.

Now it’s time to make another change. Thursday marked the end of my first official month of blogging with a total of 25 posts under my belt. Honestly, I couldn’t imagine, when I started, I would have written five times a week for this long.

As much as fun as it’s been writing as much as I have, it’s been stressful. Finding the time to write is difficult and there is so much more I want to do with this blog. Starting Monday, I’ll be posting three times a week and I’m looking to make each post more actionable. I’m not sure what this will look like but I know it will a work in progress.

For now what I’ll say is I’m excited and ready. I’m ready for this change and to continue to keep this process going. I’m ready to continue evolving, continue growing. I’m ready… are you?

Happy Thanksgiving to You

Today is Thanksgiving. It’s a time for friends and family to come together to, hopefully, enjoy each others’ company. It’s time to take a moment to think about all of the good things we have going on in our lives. It’s basically a day dedicated to the idea of gratitude. I thought I would take this time to write a few of the things I’m thankful for in my life right now.

I’m thankful for my wife and kids who I try to be a better person for every day.
I’m thankful for my parents who raised me to be the man I am today (better not make any jokes about that because they read this blog).
I’m thankful for my sister, her husband, who’s my best friend, and their two awesome kids and all of the love they provide.
I’m thankful for my in-laws and all of the support they are able to provide.
I’m thankful to my job with the State since there are many people who struggle every day to find work.
I’m thankful for this blog and the fact I’ve been able to remain fairly consistent over this past month (Today is my 25th post and 1 complete month of writing).
I’m thankful for the wonderful meal we had today and the change to spend time with family.

If you haven’t already, take a few moments to think about what you are thankful for and write them down. You don’t have to keep it anywhere and you can throw it out later but take the time to think about it. I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving Day and made some wonderful new memories with your family.

Parenting and the Tooth Fairy for the Win.

My wife and I had a parenting win this morning. My oldest lost one of his teeth yesterday and put it under his pillow as an offering to the tooth fairy. Of course, life got in the way last night and we completely forgot to exchange the money for the tooth. Then this morning when my son woke up he realized, much to his chagrin, the tooth fairy didn’t come. By the time I realized our mistake the “damage” had already been done though, surprisingly, he didn’t say anything.

We could have told him right then and there the truth about the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and all of the other magical people and creatures out there but we didn’t. We decided to double down and wrote a letter from the Tooth Fairy saying she picked up a lot of teeth last night and didn’t have any more room. She thought his mom might want to keep the tooth as a keepsake. Then I took the money and letter, put it on his bed, and called him upstairs. I told him I thought it was weird the Tooth Fairy didn’t come, decided to check it out, and found the money, letter combo next to his bed. Without missing a beat, and solidifying the ruse, he concluded he must have knocked it out of the bed when he was sleeping. The fantasy is intact and we live to parent another day.

This got me wondering why the hell do we teach our kids about Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy in the first place? Why not tell them the truth from the beginning? What do we really get out of perpetuating these magical beings?

At first glance, it’s tradition. My parents did it for me and I enjoy doing it for my kids. My kids also seem to enjoy having these magic beings in the world who do good things for them. But wouldn’t it be better for us, as parents, to put our names to the gifts rather than same “supernatural being?” Wouldn’t it be better for everyone involved to know the truth? Honestly, I don’t think so.

As kids, we want to grow up as quickly as possible. We want to get to a place we are independent and “don’t need help from anyone.” We WANT to do it. Then we become an adult and realize how good we had it as kids. There was so much wonder in our lives but now we are confronted with the cold hard truth of reality. For most of adults, the magic and wonder are gone or, at the very least, extremely difficult to find. No matter how tight we try to hold on it can easily slip through our fingers. I think this is the underlying reason why many of us decided to keep the fantasy alive.

There are plenty of parents in the world, every year, who decide to tell their kids the truth about the fantastical individuals. They do not like the idea of lying to their kids and feel it creates a foundation of mistrust. I completely understand their thought process and place no judgements on them. As parents we do what we think is best for our children.

In the end, we are choosing to keep the wonder alive for our kids as long as we can. In turn my hope is this helps to develop their creativity and fascination with the world around. Only time will tell. In the meantime, we’ll continue to run around like crazy people to keep the hope alive.

In an MMMbop They’re Gone…

When Hanson came out with MMMbop in 1997 it was a huge hit and my sister was obsessed. She was 12 and really into pop music at the time. Of course, since she loved it I couldn’t stand it. I thought the song was simple and dumb and wanted nothing to do with it. I thought my sister was annoying and so was her taste in music.

About a year ago, I was messing around on Facebook, as one is likely to do, and I watched a video of the grown up Hanson brothers singing an acoustic version of the song. I don’t know if it was nostalgia, realizing I liked the song, or both but I became obsessed with the song myself. I think I listened to it about 50 times or so over the next week. It didn’t stop there though and I found the lyrics, watched videos, and read about what the brothers have been doing since ‘97. (I have a tendency to dive head first down rabbit holes). I learned some interesting insights but I think my favorite was about the song itself.

If you’ve never heard the song you click here for the original version or here for my favorite version. Go ahead. I’ll wait… Back? Okay good. It’s a fun little song right?

Now did you catch it? Do you see what I’m going for here? If you did, great, I’ll see you tomorrow. If you didn’t you may wonder why I decided to write about this popular 90s pop rock song? Well, I find the lyrics surprisingly deep. Here we go.

The way I hear the song, it’s a blueprint on how to develop relationships in our life. Hearing the first verse Hanson sings about how even though we will have many relationships in our life, only one or two of them will go the distance. Those will be the ones who stick by you even when “you get old and start losing your hair.” Then, in the second verse, they sing about planting various seeds and plants to see which grows. These seeds and plants are the relationships we need to go out and find. We never know which one of our relationships will stick and we should continuously try to meet various types of people. Lastly, be mindful of the MMMbop, the many moments in our life and how these moments are fleeting.

Make sense? As we go through life we will meet many different people of all different walks of life. Most people will only be around for moments in our lives. Maybe they’re someone you meet at a party or at work. They could be a friend of a friend or receive help from a stranger. Those MMMbops (moments) don’t last long and if we aren’t present we’ll miss them.

Some people, however, will stick around for a good part of our lives. Those are the deep relationships we develop in life like our best friend, significant other, or family member. They are the ones we need to hold onto as hard as we can. They will be the ones we choose to lean on when times are tough and laugh with when times are good.

I met my best friend in 2004 because he was the roommate of a friend of mine. I decide to “throw him a bone” and hang out with him one weekend. Fast forward 14 years, he is married to my sister and we are still best friends.

The funny thing is we never know who a person will be when we meet them but we should continue to plant relationship seeds wherever we go. It’s like the old kids song, we need to “make new friends but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold.”

Hell, this is the main, and probably only, reason social media platforms like Facebook and Linkedin where created. Their intent was to build relationship/maintain relationships.

I know this is a silly pop song and I’m probably digging too deep into its meaning but I don’t care. Inspiration can come from anywhere and I like thinking these teenage/tweenage kids were trying to help us all out by giving us a little life advice. So go out into the world and make some new relationships because “In an mmmbop they’re gone, In an mmmbop they’re not there.”

MMMbop Lyrics

Oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh

Yeah

You have so many relationships in this life

Only one or two will last

You go through all the pain and strife

Then you turn your back and they’re gone so fast

Oh yeah

And they’re gone so fast, yeah

Oh, so hold on the ones who really care

In the end they’ll be the only ones there

And when you get old and start losing your hair

Can you tell me who will still care?

Oh care

Mmmbop, ba duba dop

Ba du bop, ba duba dop

Ba du, yeah-e-yeah

Mmmbop, ba duba dop

Ba du bop, ba duba dop

Ba du, yeah-e-yeah

Said oh yeah

In an mmmbop they’re gone

Yeah yeah

Plant a seed, plant a flower, plant a rose

You can plant any one of those

Keep planting to find out which one grows

It’s a secret no one knows

Oh, no one knows

Mmmbop, ba duba dop

Ba du bop, ba duba dop

Ba du, yeah-e-yeah

Mmmbop, ba duba dop

Ba du bop, ba duba dop

Ba du, yeah-e-yeah

In an mmmbop they’re gone

In an mmmbop they’re not there

In an mmmbop they’re gone

In an mmmbop they’re not there

Until you lose your hair

Oh but you don’t care, yeah

Mmm bop, ba duba dop ba do bop

Ba duba dop ba do bop

Ba duba dop ba do, yeah yeah

Mmm bop, ba duba dop ba do bop

Ba duba dop ba do bop

Ba duba dop ba do, yeah yeah

Can you tell me? Oh

No you can’t ’cause you don’t know

Can you tell me? Oh yeah

You say you can but you don’t know

Can you tell me? Oh (Which flower’s going to grow?)

No you can’t, but you don’t know

Can you tell me? (If it’s going to be a daisy or a rose?)

You say you can but you don’t know

say you can but you don’t know

You don’t know how, you don’t know how

Mmmbop, duba

Du bop, du

Yeah, yeah

Mmmbop oh yeah duba

Du bop, du

Oh yeah

Mmmbop, ba duba dop

Ba du bop, ba duba dop

Ba du, yeah-e-yeah

Mmmbop, ba duba dop

Ba du bop, ba duba dop

Ba du, yeah-e-yeah

Mmmbop, ba duba dop

Ba du bop, ba duba dop

Ba du, yeah-e-yeah

Mmmbop, ba duba dop

Ba du bop, ba duba dop

Ba du, yeah-e-yeah

Songwriters: Isaac Hanson / Taylor Hanson / Zac Hanson

Maintenance isn’t Sexy!

Maintenance isn’t sexy. It isn’t new, different, or fun. It’s vanilla, beige, and boring. It is the same old thing you’ve been doing for years. It’s the reliable thing. The thing you can always count on when times get tough.

The problem we can have in our lives is the need for new and exciting. We want to go on the next adventure but get aggravated when we wake up each more to the same humdrum routine. “I need a change,” we think to ourselves or, “I need to shake things up!” Then we finally get angry and fed up enough with our lives we decide to make a change. It could be a new job, new relationship, getting off the couch to travel to far off places, or starting a blog who knows. It’s change we desire and change we are going to get.

Soon we are off living our new life chasing this new dream or this new goal. But wait a minute. What about your old life? What about your old responsibilities? What about all of the people we’ve cared about for so long? Many times when we are charging ahead with our new dream much of our old life gets left behind.

How am I supposed to maintain my friends, my family, and my responsibilities when I need all the time I can to follow my dream?

This becomes the problem for many of us dreamers. We think about the future and have a difficult time staying in the present. Like a dog following the new shiny object, we too are unable to focus on what’s around us. We start to neglect the little things; the things we still care about but we’ve put on the back burner to fill our own voids. We forge ahead with our new life and don’t always stop to look back.

Learning and growing are great. Obviously, if I didn’t believe it I wouldn’t continue on this blog. Learning and growth are literally the entire purpose of this blog. But as we start our new adventure it’s easy to let things slip. It’s usually the little things at first but slowly the appeal of the new makes it to forgot the old. Sure it’s okay to grow and with this growth comes change, both good and bad, but it’s not good to be so consumed by the future we overlook the present. We don’t want to forget our old life, our old friends, and where we came from in this new world of ours.

I’ll finish off with this comment I received from Tim Ferriss. He does a drunk dial episode about once a year and I finally made it on the episode. I was asking about evaluating new project and he said, “You can do everything you want, just not all at once.” It reminds me to pace myself, don’t burn the candle at both ends, and don’t neglect your responsibilities. Maintaining the status quo may not be sexy but it’s necessary. I hope this helps you as much as it continues to help me.

One Step at a Time

Today is going to be a short and quick post. I’ve spent most of the day trying to write a single post but no matter what I put to “paper” it doesn’t come out right. The words are there but they what I want. They are slightly off and it’s not hitting the mark.

I’ve been struggling like this for the last couple of days. I have a list of topics and none of them seem “perfect” enough to work on at the moment. Instead of picking one and letting loose, I fret about each one as I move down the list. “Oh I need to do research on that one.” “Oh, I don’t want to write this one without writing that one.” “Is that really a good topic?” Over and over again, as I take a look at the massive list I continue to build and shutter.

It’s been an interesting lesson for me. I figured once I started writing it would get easier. How could it get worse? The biggest fear was putting my stuff out there and sharing it with people. I continue to get people, other than my parents, liking my posts so it must be worth reading, right?

The thing I’m figuring out now is the new fear is consistency. It’s about delivering something of value every single day. It’s about the continued worry I’m not good enough to be a writer. The resistance isn’t willing to give up without a fight and it’s found its way into my brain.

I almost didn’t write anything today. I almost let the resistance win. Then I figured if I couldn’t come up with something extremely profound I would write about my struggles.

It’s made me realize I need to evolve and grow if I want to become the writer I want to be in the future. I need to become serious. Schedule time to write, to read, and to think. I can’t do what I’ve always done and procrastinate my way through to “greatness.” If I want to become a serious writer I need to treat it seriously.

So this is what I’ve done today. I chose to write instead of giving up. I chose to share my frustrations and fears, instead of sharing nothing. I’m just trying to keep the momentum going. “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step” but it continues with each step I take. Thank you for reading my next step.