Category: Mindfulness

The Reverse Bucket List: We are Cooler than We Think!

Image Credit: Pixabay

What are all the things I want to do before I die? What is on my bucket list? This is a fairly common question we have nowadays. We think about the future, what it holds, and how can we get there? It can be extremely fun an exciting to dream about what’s in store for us, but it has a tendency to fill us with dread. What if I’m stuck where I am? What if I never amount to anything? What if my bucket list goes unchecked?

It can be exhausting thinking about “what ifs.” As a species, human-beings are horrible at predicting the future. We make educated guesses but unfortunately, the only real certainty in life is death.

Then there are the times we reflect on our past focusing on failures and regrets. How often do we wish we did things differently? It can be a lot for us to think about and, if we aren’t careful, it can consume us, causing major depression.

“Wow, Joe, this really sound like it is going to be one of those uplifting posts, isn’t it?” Hold on a second. I’m getting there. Stick with me here.

Why should we let the past and future haunt us? Sure, we’ve all made decisions we would probably change or aren’t proud of things we’ve done. But what about all the good things in our life? What about all the times we’ve kicked ass and taking names? The times we were the Liam Neesoned of our lives, throat chopping everything in sight?

As I wrote about on Tuesday, a gratitude journal is a great place to start. Writing down things we are grateful for, each day, is a great way to focus on the positive instead of the negative. It also prevents us from taking the simple things for granted. Did the car start on the first try or our kids ran to give us a hug when we got home from work? They might be normal occurrences but can be easily taken for granted.

What about the long-term regret? What about all the times we messed up zigging instead of zagging? These thoughts can easily sucker us into negative thinking, followed by the inevitable pity party.

The Reverse Bucket List:

When we need a little positivity in our lives we can turn to the Reverse Bucket list. This is an idea I’m borrowing from a newsletter by the author Chris Guillebeau. As he says, “If a bucket list is all about dreaming of something you might do one day, the Reverse Bucket List is all about recognizing what you’ve already done.” Thankfully, the process is easy to replicate.

Block out about 10-15 minutes of alone time and prevent any possible distractions (phones, TV, the internet, etc.). We are taking this time to reflect on our life to answer these three simple questions:

  • What are we proud of?
  • What have we accomplished?
  • What was challenging or scary… but we did it anyway?

These questions don’t need to be answered separately. Since the questions are so similar many of the answers will overlap. The important thing is to remember all the cool things we’ve done and experienced in our lives. Maybe we’ve never jumped out of an airplane, but we’ve spent several days hiking the Appalachian Trail. (for the record, I’ve done neither… yet!)

Much like the gratitude journal, this allows us to focus on the positive in our lives rather than the negative. It can help us realize, especially when we are feeling down and worthless, we’ve done some cool and interesting things others wish they could do. Or there might be something we think is no big deal but someone else thinks it is awesome/crazy.

“What about you, Joe? What are your answers to the questions?” Good Question! One of my major accomplishments was complete Navy Boot Camp. It was both challenging and scary (you can ask my parents about their thoughts), but I made it through to the end. There were even a few times I could have easily gotten out of my contract and gone home, but I chose to stay.

My problem is I’ve never seen completing boot camp as a big deal. Joining the Navy was never a choice for me but something I had to do. Much like someone being called into the religious service, I was pulled to become a Sailor. While boot camp sucked, the only way I EVER thought I could get out was straight through to the end.

Going through the reverse bucket list process helped me realize it was a big deal and something I should be proud of completing. I regularly hear from people, “I could never join the military. It’s too ‘Fill In The Blank HERE’!” It might not be a big deal for me but for others it’s unfathomable.

It’s important to remember this when we work on our own reverse bucket list. Time tends to downplay how difficult things seem, and it can be easily forgotten or disregarded. If we get stuck we can ask ourselves the question, “What would other people think if we told them we did ‘x’?” (This is meant to be a useful tool when we get stuck and not to measure our accomplishments against others.)

Remember, even some of our smallest accomplishments can give us the greatest sense of pride. Focusing on the times we stepped out of our comfort zone, tried something new, or did something a little different can easily change the way we feel about ourselves. So, let’s take some time this weekend to write our own reverse bucket list. We might find out we are cooler than we think.

Gaining Prospective with Gratitude

Image Credit: Pixabay

I realized recently, I have a problem. (No comments from the peanut gallery). It started when I read Walden on Wheels. The further I got into the book the happier I realized the author, Ken Ilgunas, was becoming and, the crazy part was, by the end of the book, he didn’t have much of anything. He had a beat up Econoline Van, some clothes, and other random possession. From the outside looking in he looked like a hobo, a vagabond, or a shifty lay about with no dreams or ambitions. Funny thing is, he couldn’t have been happier. He had nothing and everything all at once. He had freedom.

By the end of the book, I found myself dreaming of being Ken. I wanted his adventures, his determination, and his grit. He’d did what I could only imagine. He got an idea in his head and was determined to see it through to the end. He was the poor man’s Richard Branson (and I mean this as an amazing compliment).

As I read, I wondered what lessons I could learn from Ken. He had a certain “Je Ne Sais Quoi” about him and I needed to figure out his secret. My mind traveled back to my single days and the thought of moving into a van to drive cross-country. Having a family I love, however, made these continued thoughts a little difficult.

It recently hit me like a ton of bricks. I’ve been extremely ungrateful lately. Here I was wishing I was someone else when I had a wonderful life around me. My perspective was all wrong and it needed a change.

It tends to be a cyclical problem. Every so often I realize I’m significantly unhappier and more frustrated than is healthy. I find I needed a reality shift. I needed to change the way I think about my life. I needed to be more grateful for my life.

The Gratitude Journal:

Being grateful, for all the good in my life, isn’t easy for me. I tend to be a “glass half empty” kind of person. If I’m stuck in traffic due to a traffic accident I become angry for the delay instead of being grateful I’m not in the wreck. Why should I be grateful though, the universe is out to get me, right?

The unfortunate part of this level of thinking is it makes it more difficult to enjoy the good moments. Had a good weekend with the family? It gets overshadowed by the impending thought of work on Monday. Go out for a drink with friends? The focus is on the amount of money we spend or the hangover and not the quality time we spend with them. It doesn’t stop here. Work is always terrible, our spouse and kids are a pain, we don’t have enough time to ourselves, and everything is awful.

This is why I started my gratitude journal. Every night before I go to bed I write down 10 things I’m grateful happen during the day. This can be anything big or small. It could be something as simple as enjoying my breakfast to something epic like winning the lottery (though I’m not sure I’d need a gratitude journal if I won the lottery), to anything in between. The important thing is to write down at least 10 gratitudes for the day.

“10 sounds like a lot, Joe. Why so many?” Good question. I borrowed the idea from James Altucher and his writing on becoming an idea machine. Here’s why the number 10 is so important. Most people can easily come up with three things they are grateful for each day. Coming up with 4-5 becomes a little more difficult. Gratitude numbers 6-10 really makes the brain sweat. It forces us to really think about our day and find the little things we can appreciate. Maybe it’s a much-needed hug or an unanticipated thank you. It’s about digging deep.

The journal can be on anything. It can be a notebook, on the computer, on our smartphone, on a scrap piece of paper, or taking time to reflect on the day and come up with 10 in our head. This list can be a onetime thing or be saved to reflect on later. Personally, I use Google Docs on my phone and save each one I write. This allows me to put gratitudes in my phone throughout the day I want to reflect on later.

Here’s an example. Monday my wife reminded me, right as I was walking out the door for work, we needed to bring snack to preschool for my middle son. I was pissed she didn’t remind me sooner. We had all weekend and I could have found time this morning. Now I’m going to be late for work.

After taking time to cool down I realized two things. First, I’m grateful she remembered in enough time for me to help her out. Having to get two kids to school with a baby and having to stop by the store would be extremely difficult for her. Second, I’m grateful I have a boss who’s understanding and was okay with me being late. I was able to turn a negative into two positives. (Did I use them? Of course, I did. Waste not, want not!)

If it wasn’t for my gratitude journal I could still be bitter about it. This would create resentment which isn’t healthy in any relationship. Now I get to be thankful I have a wife who remembered and an understanding boss.

This is why this practice is crucial. There is so much going on in our lives it can be easy to forget about all the little moments which brightened our day. Most of us have plenty to be grateful for, starting with waking up each morning. As my Dad likes to say, “I woke up this morning and put my hand out to the left. Then put my hand out to the right. When it didn’t hit wood from the coffin, I knew it would be a good day.” While it can be a little embarrassing, as a teenager, to hear your Dad make this comment to strangers, I think it’s an incredibly powerful statement. We should be grateful we’re alive because the alternative doesn’t sound pleasant.

I’m not saying we aren’t allowed to be sad or unhappy. Of course, we are but focusing too much on the negative can be detrimental to our health. It’s amazing how a little practical optimism can go a long way. At the very least it helps keep things in perspective.

Don’t think it will do you any good? Try writing done 10 gratitudes every night for two weeks and see what happens. I’m certain it will make a different. Enjoy.