Happy Thanksgiving to You

Today is Thanksgiving. It’s a time for friends and family to come together to, hopefully, enjoy each others’ company. It’s time to take a moment to think about all of the good things we have going on in our lives. It’s basically a day dedicated to the idea of gratitude. I thought I would take this time to write a few of the things I’m thankful for in my life right now.

I’m thankful for my wife and kids who I try to be a better person for every day.
I’m thankful for my parents who raised me to be the man I am today (better not make any jokes about that because they read this blog).
I’m thankful for my sister, her husband, who’s my best friend, and their two awesome kids and all of the love they provide.
I’m thankful for my in-laws and all of the support they are able to provide.
I’m thankful to my job with the State since there are many people who struggle every day to find work.
I’m thankful for this blog and the fact I’ve been able to remain fairly consistent over this past month (Today is my 25th post and 1 complete month of writing).
I’m thankful for the wonderful meal we had today and the change to spend time with family.

If you haven’t already, take a few moments to think about what you are thankful for and write them down. You don’t have to keep it anywhere and you can throw it out later but take the time to think about it. I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving Day and made some wonderful new memories with your family.

Parenting and the Tooth Fairy for the Win.

My wife and I had a parenting win this morning. My oldest lost one of his teeth yesterday and put it under his pillow as an offering to the tooth fairy. Of course, life got in the way last night and we completely forgot to exchange the money for the tooth. Then this morning when my son woke up he realized, much to his chagrin, the tooth fairy didn’t come. By the time I realized our mistake the “damage” had already been done though, surprisingly, he didn’t say anything.

We could have told him right then and there the truth about the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and all of the other magical people and creatures out there but we didn’t. We decided to double down and wrote a letter from the Tooth Fairy saying she picked up a lot of teeth last night and didn’t have any more room. She thought his mom might want to keep the tooth as a keepsake. Then I took the money and letter, put it on his bed, and called him upstairs. I told him I thought it was weird the Tooth Fairy didn’t come, decided to check it out, and found the money, letter combo next to his bed. Without missing a beat, and solidifying the ruse, he concluded he must have knocked it out of the bed when he was sleeping. The fantasy is intact and we live to parent another day.

This got me wondering why the hell do we teach our kids about Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy in the first place? Why not tell them the truth from the beginning? What do we really get out of perpetuating these magical beings?

At first glance, it’s tradition. My parents did it for me and I enjoy doing it for my kids. My kids also seem to enjoy having these magic beings in the world who do good things for them. But wouldn’t it be better for us, as parents, to put our names to the gifts rather than same “supernatural being?” Wouldn’t it be better for everyone involved to know the truth? Honestly, I don’t think so.

As kids, we want to grow up as quickly as possible. We want to get to a place we are independent and “don’t need help from anyone.” We WANT to do it. Then we become an adult and realize how good we had it as kids. There was so much wonder in our lives but now we are confronted with the cold hard truth of reality. For most of adults, the magic and wonder are gone or, at the very least, extremely difficult to find. No matter how tight we try to hold on it can easily slip through our fingers. I think this is the underlying reason why many of us decided to keep the fantasy alive.

There are plenty of parents in the world, every year, who decide to tell their kids the truth about the fantastical individuals. They do not like the idea of lying to their kids and feel it creates a foundation of mistrust. I completely understand their thought process and place no judgements on them. As parents we do what we think is best for our children.

In the end, we are choosing to keep the wonder alive for our kids as long as we can. In turn my hope is this helps to develop their creativity and fascination with the world around. Only time will tell. In the meantime, we’ll continue to run around like crazy people to keep the hope alive.

Abiding by the Golden Rule

So you’re drivin’ down the road just a hummin’ a tune.

When you get cut off in your car by some big ass buffoon.

You get real angry while you’re shacking your fists.

Your face gets beet red because you’re super fucking pissed.

Don’t they have any idea who you are?

As you sit there real angry in your beat up old car?

Get out of my because I’m already very late.

I can’t afford to miss this really important date.

When you get where you’re going you’re still hopping mad.

And now this of yours has gone from good to really bad.

But when it becomes your turn to do the right thing.

You decided to drive through traffic with a whoosh and a zing.

It doesn’t matter if the driver you cut off is yelling and screaming,

Because there you sit in your car happy and beaming.

Does this story I’m telling sound real familiar to you?

I am sure it does since we’ve all been there too.

So try not to forget what they taught you in school.

“Do unto others” is what is known as the golden rule.

I thought I would do something a little different today by starting off with a poem. Don’t worry I’m not going to quit my day job to become a poet doing slam poetry like some beatnik. The rhyme came to me in the car and I thought it would be fun to run with it. For a guy who really doesn’t like poetry, I definitely had fun writing it.

If you hadn’t guessed by now, I wanted to write about the golden rule. It’s the “do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” rule many of us grew up hearing. (Apparently is from Matthew Chapter 7 verse 12 in the Christian Bible. Who knew? Not this guy).

Having two boys, I actually think of this quote quite often. My kids have a tendency to have a “Do unto others but fuck you if you do unto me,” mentality. I’m constantly telling my oldest if he wants his younger brother to treat him nicely, he might need to be nice first. This goes over like a fart in church and they are soon back at it. Then, all I want to do is shack the shit out of both of them, which only escalates the situation.

Then I started to think about how we, as human beings, tend to treat each other. It all makes sense. Of course my kids, and I’m sure this is most kids, are assholes because the world continuously gives them bad role models. We are horrible to each other and then wonder why people are horrible right back. We do not want to give other any leeway but expect tons in return.

All of us have bad days. We didn’t get enough sleep, receive some bad news, or forgot to do something important and, whether we mean to or not, we take it out on others. We yell or get snippy or talk behind their backs and it’s okay but the moment it happens to us we lose our minds.

It actually goes even further than this too. I happened upon an article called “You Teach Others How to Treat You” by a Dr. Perry, who runs the MakeItUltra^TM Psychology site, which take this concept one step further. In this article, he explains our subconscious habits can transfer to those closest to us creating self-fulfilling prophecies. What this means is the way we treat others is how they will treat us. If we are sarcastic or angry or passive aggressive then, over time, the people closest to us will return the favor. We then wonder why we are continuously surrounded by these traits feeling like we are bad judges of character.

One of the things I semi-joke about around my wife is she only keeps me around as a free live-in babysitter and once the kids are old enough she’ll move onto greener pastures. If she does decide to leave me, when the kids are old, I can easily tell myself I wasn’t surprised. I’ve predicted it for years. What I didn’t realize, until now, is this could be signaling to her I don’t value her or our relationship and I could be subconsciously distancing myself from her to lessen the hurt I’m expecting to feel. Then everything I do or don’t do confirms these signals until she’s had enough and leaves. If she leaves, is it her fault or was I too much of a dumbass to realize I’ve been pushing her away for years?

The point is, the way we treat people is typically how others we will treat us in response. The more we interact with someone the more those habits become ingrained in them until their reaction is subconscious as well. We, also, tend to say one thing but do another making us walking, talking hypocrite. This in turn imprints on our children and the cycle continues.

If we want to break the cycle, we have to look at ourselves first. We have to see how we are acting and treating those around us, and if we don’t like what we see we need to make a change. We need to “start with the man in the mirror. We need to ask him to change his ways.” (Thank you Michael Jackson for helping with this post. RIP.) We need to find compassion for ourselves and extend this compassion to those around us. This isn’t a one time thing, either, but something we need to work on every day.

I’ll end with something I “stole” from Noah Kagan and say, “Go call or text someone that you love them, right now!” It might just make their day!

In an MMMbop They’re Gone…

When Hanson came out with MMMbop in 1997 it was a huge hit and my sister was obsessed. She was 12 and really into pop music at the time. Of course, since she loved it I couldn’t stand it. I thought the song was simple and dumb and wanted nothing to do with it. I thought my sister was annoying and so was her taste in music.

About a year ago, I was messing around on Facebook, as one is likely to do, and I watched a video of the grown up Hanson brothers singing an acoustic version of the song. I don’t know if it was nostalgia, realizing I liked the song, or both but I became obsessed with the song myself. I think I listened to it about 50 times or so over the next week. It didn’t stop there though and I found the lyrics, watched videos, and read about what the brothers have been doing since ‘97. (I have a tendency to dive head first down rabbit holes). I learned some interesting insights but I think my favorite was about the song itself.

If you’ve never heard the song you click here for the original version or here for my favorite version. Go ahead. I’ll wait… Back? Okay good. It’s a fun little song right?

Now did you catch it? Do you see what I’m going for here? If you did, great, I’ll see you tomorrow. If you didn’t you may wonder why I decided to write about this popular 90s pop rock song? Well, I find the lyrics surprisingly deep. Here we go.

The way I hear the song, it’s a blueprint on how to develop relationships in our life. Hearing the first verse Hanson sings about how even though we will have many relationships in our life, only one or two of them will go the distance. Those will be the ones who stick by you even when “you get old and start losing your hair.” Then, in the second verse, they sing about planting various seeds and plants to see which grows. These seeds and plants are the relationships we need to go out and find. We never know which one of our relationships will stick and we should continuously try to meet various types of people. Lastly, be mindful of the MMMbop, the many moments in our life and how these moments are fleeting.

Make sense? As we go through life we will meet many different people of all different walks of life. Most people will only be around for moments in our lives. Maybe they’re someone you meet at a party or at work. They could be a friend of a friend or receive help from a stranger. Those MMMbops (moments) don’t last long and if we aren’t present we’ll miss them.

Some people, however, will stick around for a good part of our lives. Those are the deep relationships we develop in life like our best friend, significant other, or family member. They are the ones we need to hold onto as hard as we can. They will be the ones we choose to lean on when times are tough and laugh with when times are good.

I met my best friend in 2004 because he was the roommate of a friend of mine. I decide to “throw him a bone” and hang out with him one weekend. Fast forward 14 years, he is married to my sister and we are still best friends.

The funny thing is we never know who a person will be when we meet them but we should continue to plant relationship seeds wherever we go. It’s like the old kids song, we need to “make new friends but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold.”

Hell, this is the main, and probably only, reason social media platforms like Facebook and Linkedin where created. Their intent was to build relationship/maintain relationships.

I know this is a silly pop song and I’m probably digging too deep into its meaning but I don’t care. Inspiration can come from anywhere and I like thinking these teenage/tweenage kids were trying to help us all out by giving us a little life advice. So go out into the world and make some new relationships because “In an mmmbop they’re gone, In an mmmbop they’re not there.”

MMMbop Lyrics

Oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh

Yeah

You have so many relationships in this life

Only one or two will last

You go through all the pain and strife

Then you turn your back and they’re gone so fast

Oh yeah

And they’re gone so fast, yeah

Oh, so hold on the ones who really care

In the end they’ll be the only ones there

And when you get old and start losing your hair

Can you tell me who will still care?

Oh care

Mmmbop, ba duba dop

Ba du bop, ba duba dop

Ba du, yeah-e-yeah

Mmmbop, ba duba dop

Ba du bop, ba duba dop

Ba du, yeah-e-yeah

Said oh yeah

In an mmmbop they’re gone

Yeah yeah

Plant a seed, plant a flower, plant a rose

You can plant any one of those

Keep planting to find out which one grows

It’s a secret no one knows

Oh, no one knows

Mmmbop, ba duba dop

Ba du bop, ba duba dop

Ba du, yeah-e-yeah

Mmmbop, ba duba dop

Ba du bop, ba duba dop

Ba du, yeah-e-yeah

In an mmmbop they’re gone

In an mmmbop they’re not there

In an mmmbop they’re gone

In an mmmbop they’re not there

Until you lose your hair

Oh but you don’t care, yeah

Mmm bop, ba duba dop ba do bop

Ba duba dop ba do bop

Ba duba dop ba do, yeah yeah

Mmm bop, ba duba dop ba do bop

Ba duba dop ba do bop

Ba duba dop ba do, yeah yeah

Can you tell me? Oh

No you can’t ’cause you don’t know

Can you tell me? Oh yeah

You say you can but you don’t know

Can you tell me? Oh (Which flower’s going to grow?)

No you can’t, but you don’t know

Can you tell me? (If it’s going to be a daisy or a rose?)

You say you can but you don’t know

say you can but you don’t know

You don’t know how, you don’t know how

Mmmbop, duba

Du bop, du

Yeah, yeah

Mmmbop oh yeah duba

Du bop, du

Oh yeah

Mmmbop, ba duba dop

Ba du bop, ba duba dop

Ba du, yeah-e-yeah

Mmmbop, ba duba dop

Ba du bop, ba duba dop

Ba du, yeah-e-yeah

Mmmbop, ba duba dop

Ba du bop, ba duba dop

Ba du, yeah-e-yeah

Mmmbop, ba duba dop

Ba du bop, ba duba dop

Ba du, yeah-e-yeah

Songwriters: Isaac Hanson / Taylor Hanson / Zac Hanson

MMMbop – Single Version lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc

Maintenance isn’t Sexy!

Maintenance isn’t sexy. It isn’t new, different, or fun. It’s vanilla, beige, and boring. It is the same old thing you’ve been doing for years. It’s the reliable thing. The thing you can always count on when times get tough.

The problem we can have in our lives is the need for new and exciting. We want to go on the next adventure but get aggravated when we wake up each more to the same humdrum routine. “I need a change,” we think to ourselves or, “I need to shake things up!” Then we finally get angry and fed up enough with our lives we decide to make a change. It could be a new job, new relationship, getting off the couch to travel to far off places, or starting a blog who knows. It’s change we desire and change we are going to get.

Soon we are off living our new life chasing this new dream or this new goal. But wait a minute. What about your old life? What about your old responsibilities? What about all of the people we’ve cared about for so long? Many times when we are charging ahead with our new dream much of our old life gets left behind.

How am I supposed to maintain my friends, my family, and my responsibilities when I need all the time I can to follow my dream?

This becomes the problem for many of us dreamers. We think about the future and have a difficult time staying in the present. Like a dog following the new shiny object, we too are unable to focus on what’s around us. We start to neglect the little things; the things we still care about but we’ve put on the back burner to fill our own voids. We forge ahead with our new life and don’t always stop to look back.

Learning and growing are great. Obviously, if I didn’t believe it I wouldn’t continue on this blog. Learning and growth are literally the entire purpose of this blog. But as we start our new adventure it’s easy to let things slip. It’s usually the little things at first but slowly the appeal of the new makes it to forgot the old. Sure it’s okay to grow and with this growth comes change, both good and bad, but it’s not good to be so consumed by the future we overlook the present. We don’t want to forget our old life, our old friends, and where we came from in this new world of ours.

I’ll finish off with this comment I received from Tim Ferriss. He does a drunk dial episode about once a year and I finally made it on the episode. I was asking about evaluating new project and he said, “You can do everything you want, just not all at once.” It reminds me to pace myself, don’t burn the candle at both ends, and don’t neglect your responsibilities. Maintaining the status quo may not be sexy but it’s necessary. I hope this helps you as much as it continues to help me.

One Step at a Time

Today is going to be a short and quick post. I’ve spent most of the day trying to write a single post but no matter what I put to “paper” it doesn’t come out right. The words are there but they what I want. They are slightly off and it’s not hitting the mark.

I’ve been struggling like this for the last couple of days. I have a list of topics and none of them seem “perfect” enough to work on at the moment. Instead of picking one and letting loose, I fret about each one as I move down the list. “Oh I need to do research on that one.” “Oh, I don’t want to write this one without writing that one.” “Is that really a good topic?” Over and over again, as I take a look at the massive list I continue to build and shutter.

It’s been an interesting lesson for me. I figured once I started writing it would get easier. How could it get worse? The biggest fear was putting my stuff out there and sharing it with people. I continue to get people, other than my parents, liking my posts so it must be worth reading, right?

The thing I’m figuring out now is the new fear is consistency. It’s about delivering something of value every single day. It’s about the continued worry I’m not good enough to be a writer. The resistance isn’t willing to give up without a fight and it’s found its way into my brain.

I almost didn’t write anything today. I almost let the resistance win. Then I figured if I couldn’t come up with something extremely profound I would write about my struggles.

It’s made me realize I need to evolve and grow if I want to become the writer I want to be in the future. I need to become serious. Schedule time to write, to read, and to think. I can’t do what I’ve always done and procrastinate my way through to “greatness.” If I want to become a serious writer I need to treat it seriously.

So this is what I’ve done today. I chose to write instead of giving up. I chose to share my frustrations and fears, instead of sharing nothing. I’m just trying to keep the momentum going. “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step” but it continues with each step I take. Thank you for reading my next step.

If I Didn’t have Bad Luck…

“If it wasn’t for bad luck I’d have no luck at all.” This maxim is one I like to spout out jokingly from time to time around friends and family. I’m not sure why I started saying it but for years I believed it. I saw my life going a certain way but every time I looked around things weren’t adding up. This must be bad luck, right?

It’s taken me years but I no longer believe in luck. Sure there are random events we cannot plan for and do not know the outcome. Weather patterns, games of chance, and even our genetics are all out of our control, to name a few, but that’s not the kind of luck I’m talking about here.

Many times our lives feel like they are left up to chance. Should I have gone left instead of right? Should I have taken that once in a lifetime trip around the world? Should I have finished college instead of quitting halfway through it? Our choices can sometimes feel like a crap shoot with the outcomes feeling no better than flipping a coin.

The problem with this line of thinking is we lose all control over our lives, over our destiny. We become powerless passengers to our life floating down the river without a paddle. If we accept our life is random it becomes pointless. It becomes meaningless.

It’s easy to feel this way when the decisions we make don’t pan out. When we choose right instead of left and life decides to go sideways, it’s easy to feel like the only luck we have is bad luck. One seemingly bad decision, leads to another, to another, and soon it’s easy to feel life spiraling out of control. “It’s not my fault… It’s bad luck. If I had better luck things would be different.”

The thing is it is our fault. We are making the bad decisions not some Two-Face type evil villain who’s flipping a coin to determine our fate. It’s just us choosing left or right.

While it may feel shitty at times, that’s the good news. As long as we are still breathing we get to choose how our life goes. We can examine the direction our life has gone and work towards shifting it back in the right direction. We can work on being present in our lives so when the chance to head in the right direction occurs we don’t miss it.

One of my favorite stories is about Sir Richard Branson and how he started Virgin Airlines, exemplifies this point. He was at an airport when his flight to the Caribbean was canceled. Instead of being pissed off, yelling at the counter agent, or leaving defeated he contacted a charter company at the airport. After he got the price to rent the plane he held up a sign offering flights to the Caribbean for $39. Branson filled up the plane in no time and the idea for Virgin Airlines was born. Now if he hadn’t been present, mentally, Virgin Airlines would have been created.

I’m sure there were plenty of decisions Sir Richard made to get him to that specific moment. Some good and some bad but when he was dealt cards he didn’t like he decided to change his fate. He wrote his own destiny blazing a new path. We can do this too.

We need to remember though negative choice may have lasting effects on our lives so do the positive ones. We aren’t able to change the past but we can ensure the choices we make have a positive affect the future.

We need to start by having plan and ensuring we don’t follow it so rigidly it fucks us up. The plan has to allow for growth and change by guiding our decision making process not dictating it. The we will make smart, thoughtful decisions, in the moment, consistently until soon it’ll comes naturally, much in the same way as Sir Richard Branson.

We don’t need to fear bad luck anymore because we make our own luck. We are the masters of our own fate… if we choose!

I want to thank my buddy, Darren, for helping with this post.

My Kids in the Military

Yesterday was Veterans’ Day. Since I haven’t been blogging to long it didn’t dawn on me until this morning I should probably write something. As a veteran myself I have plenty of thoughts about the day I can share.

I read a post from the Dad and Buried blog titled, “I Won’t Let My Son Join the Military.” It was a thoughtful article about why he didn’t want his son to join and I completely understand his feeling. Having service in the Navy for 8 years and deploying to Iraq during OIF/OEF (Operation Iraqi Freedom/Operation Enduring Freedom) I’m not sure I want my kids to join the military either. I didn’t have a problem with his post, but I feel like he is a little misinformed.

When most people think of the military they think of the Army and the Marines running around, kicking doors in, and possibly getting blown up by IEDs (Improvised Explosive Devices). Movies like Black Hawk Down, Lone Survivor, and American Sniper paint the military with a “we only fight” blush. They rarely think of the hundred or so other jobs the military has to offer. Many of these don’t ever see combat.

When I joined the Navy, I went in as a Seaman Apprentice. This was a glorified term for Boatswain’s Mate’s bitch. We did all of the stupid shit the BM’s could think of including some cool stuff like sailing the ship. Shortly afterwards, I became a Religious Program Specialist, which is a fancy term for Chaplain’s bitch. I was an admin personnel and spent most of my time getting ready for Sunday service. I wasn’t kicking down doors or riding in HUMVEEs because most of my time was spend behind a computer.

People join the military for many reasons. Thanks to 9/11 there’s an entire generation who joined up to fight terrorism and for the “love of America.” Many of us didn’t have some higher calling or purpose. We went for the college benefits or we had nowhere else to go.

We hid in the shadows. We weren’t special forces but support personnel. We became the admin, the cooks, the supply men and women. We didn’t want to give our lives for our country but still wanted to do something honorable. We went to work, collected our paycheck, and went home. No muss, no fuss.

To this day, I’m not a “God and Country” kind of guy. I love America, warts and all, and I’m thankful for my time in the military but I don’t see either with the same rose colored glasses others might. They made me into the man I am today and for this I’ll always be grateful. More importantly, I am grateful to the men and women I served with and I don’t want to think of my life without them. They made, and continue to make, me a better person.

Do I want my kids to join the military? No, not really, but those reasons are my own. I will say if they do serve I’ll be extremely proud of them and do whatever I can to make their experience better. Since I can’t stop them, God knows my parents wanted to, you might as well help them.

Happy Veterans Day to all my brothers and sisters in arms. Thank you for making me a better person.

It is a bad idea or a GOOD IDEA?

At this point, I’ve written over 15 blog posts which I’m still a little shocked happened. If you’ve read any of them you know each and everyone of them is AMAZING! They are smart and well written. They are filled to the brim with insight after insight. I know you are hanging on my every word waiting with anticipation to find out what will come next. RIGHT… (said oozing with sarcasm in case it was missed.)

Okay, I know this is not the case, except maybe for my Mom and Dad. (I love you, both, and I appreciate you reading these!) I’m not some prophetic scholar whose every word is gold. I’m just a guy who has some things to say and wanted to write them down. I am proud of my work thus far but know this is only the beginning and I have a long way to go.

When I started this blog I decided to make a list of topics I thought were interesting. Some were easy to write about while others would take a little research. It’s a pretty hearty list and I try to add to it whenever I get a chance. The problem I’m noticing is every time I look at the list I start to freeze up. I look at the list and I get writer’s block.

Then something happens. I hear Seth Godin in my head saying there’s no such thing as writer’s block and I find a way.

“No such thing as writer’s block? That’s crazy talk, Joe. I’ve experienced it before and it’s real.” Sure, there are times when it feels like I have nothing write about because my mind is blank. I think we’ve all been there. What Seth means is fear and the resistance are kicking in preventing us from moving forward. We can’t come up with any “good ideas” and we aren’t sure what should be written.

This is a problem I’ve had for a long time. I only want to come up with good ideas because no one wants the bad ones. The problem is I’m forced into an all or nothing scenario. It’s either perfection or failure. I can’t have bad ideas or people with think I’m dumb. If I’m dumb I’ll be mocked. If I’m mocked I won’t have any self-esteem, and on, and on, and on, forever. This line of think has conditioned us to either have something smart to say or nothing at all.

I’m sure you’ve heard people say, “There are no bad ideas.” Though we could go back and forth debating the merits of this statement, I believe it’s true, there are no bad ideas. The reason being, it’s the bad ideas which lead to the good ones. Rome wasn’t built in a day and good ideas don’t come out of thin air. By coming up with idea after idea the valuable ones will rise to the top.

On the flip side, an idea might sound bad to one person but could be a good idea to another. “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure” sort of deal. Maybe it’s difficult to execute and with the right person it becomes valuable. Maybe the idea isn’t “good” because it’s incomplete and needs to be develop.

I have a post like that right now. I’ve rewritten it twice now and it’s still not there yet. The idea isn’t bad, it’s just incomplete.

The thing is ideas aren’t inherently good or bad. They’re only ideas. Their designation is in the “eye of the beholder.” This is what I think about now when I write. I give myself permission to suck, to have bad ideas, and to move on with the post. I embrace the bad ideas. As Seth told Tim Ferriss in his latest podcast, he’s written over 7400 blog posts (he writes one every day) and he’s only had a handful of great ones. If a prolific writer and thinker like Seth Godin can have that many “bad ideas” why can’t I?

Be okay with the suck. Be okay with bad ideas. Remember it’s the fastest way to the good ones.

You May Be Wrong but You May Be Right!

This past Tuesday were the midterm elections in the US. It was difficult to miss with all the signs, ads, and people yelling about it everywhere. You couldn’t take a piss without seeing something about voting or the elections.

Now, I don’t care whether you voted or not or your political party. It’s not what I’ll be discussing here. The point here is to talk about something, I believe, is the root cause of many of our problems in the US right now. The issue is empathy.

America has an empathy problem. As a country, we pride ourselves on being superior to other countries in the world. It’s been like this for decades. When an individual has a superiority complex it’s difficult for them to have empathy for other “lesser” people. They are apathetic to other people’s plights and focus on a “me first” mentality.

“Cool story, Joe, but what does this have to do with the price of tea in China?” First, you said it wrong. It’s “Jina!” Second, I’ll be happy to explain. Much of what is focused on during election years revolves around hot-button topics: healthcare, gun control, global warming, technology, etc. You name it and we’ll find a way to fight about it. The problem is these fights usually don’t lead to any productive resolutions. Two people argue about a particular topic until they are blue in the face and go home. Nothing was solved. Nothing productive happens. Just two people pissing in the wind.

We are emotional creatures and many times we will ignore the facts right in front of us for what we chose to believe. The smarter we are and the more we care about a topic the more likely we are to seek out information backing our point of view. The more information we have to support our side of an issue, the more we dig in. We don’t want to hear differing points of view because we KNOW we are right. If we’re right, everyone with differing opinions must be wrong.

In the book Think Like a Freak by Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner, they dedicated an entire chapter towards making persuasive arguments. One of my favorite points they make is acknowledging the others point of view. Even though the other person’s opinion is different doesn’t mean there isn’t any value to their point of view. Listening, understanding, and accepting the other side of the issue is a big step in making a better argument.

To illustrate my point, I’m going to use a topic near and dear to my heart: Cheerleading as a sport. At some point in high school, I decided cheerleading was not a sport and shared it with others. The reason for this has been lost to time but needless to say, it didn’t make me popular with the cheerleaders of our school. Since high school, I continued to double down on this argument and for years enjoyed standing on my soapbox debating this topic. (Let me say, I consider cheerleading extremely athletic and couldn’t do half the things they can. Honestly, when I think about it, my beef isn’t with cheerleading at all, but any athletic activity which decides to call it a sport).

As I look back on the cheerleading hill I decided to die on, I realized something important. I had zero empathy for the cheerleaders at my school. I KNEW I was right and they were clearly wrong. Who cares if there are cheerleading competitions? The only reason to have competitions is because of the activity of cheerleading. No cheerleaders, no cheerleading competitions. Period!

Though it’s taken longer than I care to admit, I was verbally attacking these women. Whether I meant to or not, I was telling these women what they care about didn’t matter. Their skills and talents didn’t matter. They were wrong and I was right. They were dumb and I was smart. I didn’t give two shits about their “opinion” because I had truth on my side.

While this might seem like a silly example, this is something we tend to do others every day with bigger and more important topics. Issues with education, climate change, gun control, and health care aren’t going away any time soon. If we are not willing to look within ourselves to at least acknowledge the validity of our oppositions’ arguments, we won’t be able to make any progress towards real change. You can accept their positions have merit and not be a sellout.

Life is filled with shades of grey and almost no topic out there is completely black and white. So why do we treat life this way? Why not embrace the grey to work on making things better?

I want to leave you with this Ted Talk by Cassie Jaye called Meeting the Enemy. Enjoy!