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What are all the things I want to do before I die? What is on my bucket list? This is a fairly common question we have nowadays. We think about the future, what it holds, and how can we get there? It can be extremely fun an exciting to dream about what’s in store for us, but it has a tendency to fill us with dread. What if I’m stuck where I am? What if I never amount to anything? What if my bucket list goes unchecked?
It can be exhausting thinking about “what ifs.” As a species, human-beings are horrible at predicting the future. We make educated guesses but unfortunately, the only real certainty in life is death.
Then there are the times we reflect on our past focusing on failures and regrets. How often do we wish we did things differently? It can be a lot for us to think about and, if we aren’t careful, it can consume us, causing major depression.
“Wow, Joe, this really sound like it is going to be one of those uplifting posts, isn’t it?” Hold on a second. I’m getting there. Stick with me here.
Why should we let the past and future haunt us? Sure, we’ve all made decisions we would probably change or aren’t proud of things we’ve done. But what about all the good things in our life? What about all the times we’ve kicked ass and taking names? The times we were the Liam Neesoned of our lives, throat chopping everything in sight?
As I wrote about on Tuesday, a gratitude journal is a great place to start. Writing down things we are grateful for, each day, is a great way to focus on the positive instead of the negative. It also prevents us from taking the simple things for granted. Did the car start on the first try or our kids ran to give us a hug when we got home from work? They might be normal occurrences but can be easily taken for granted.
What about the long-term regret? What about all the times we messed up zigging instead of zagging? These thoughts can easily sucker us into negative thinking, followed by the inevitable pity party.
The Reverse Bucket List:
When we need a little positivity in our lives we can turn to the Reverse Bucket list. This is an idea I’m borrowing from a newsletter by the author Chris Guillebeau. As he says, “If a bucket list is all about dreaming of something you might do one day, the Reverse Bucket List is all about recognizing what you’ve already done.” Thankfully, the process is easy to replicate.
Block out about 10-15 minutes of alone time and prevent any possible distractions (phones, TV, the internet, etc.). We are taking this time to reflect on our life to answer these three simple questions:
- What are we proud of?
- What have we accomplished?
- What was challenging or scary… but we did it anyway?
These questions don’t need to be answered separately. Since the questions are so similar many of the answers will overlap. The important thing is to remember all the cool things we’ve done and experienced in our lives. Maybe we’ve never jumped out of an airplane, but we’ve spent several days hiking the Appalachian Trail. (for the record, I’ve done neither… yet!)
Much like the gratitude journal, this allows us to focus on the positive in our lives rather than the negative. It can help us realize, especially when we are feeling down and worthless, we’ve done some cool and interesting things others wish they could do. Or there might be something we think is no big deal but someone else thinks it is awesome/crazy.
“What about you, Joe? What are your answers to the questions?” Good Question! One of my major accomplishments was complete Navy Boot Camp. It was both challenging and scary (you can ask my parents about their thoughts), but I made it through to the end. There were even a few times I could have easily gotten out of my contract and gone home, but I chose to stay.
My problem is I’ve never seen completing boot camp as a big deal. Joining the Navy was never a choice for me but something I had to do. Much like someone being called into the religious service, I was pulled to become a Sailor. While boot camp sucked, the only way I EVER thought I could get out was straight through to the end.
Going through the reverse bucket list process helped me realize it was a big deal and something I should be proud of completing. I regularly hear from people, “I could never join the military. It’s too ‘Fill In The Blank HERE’!” It might not be a big deal for me but for others it’s unfathomable.
It’s important to remember this when we work on our own reverse bucket list. Time tends to downplay how difficult things seem, and it can be easily forgotten or disregarded. If we get stuck we can ask ourselves the question, “What would other people think if we told them we did ‘x’?” (This is meant to be a useful tool when we get stuck and not to measure our accomplishments against others.)
Remember, even some of our smallest accomplishments can give us the greatest sense of pride. Focusing on the times we stepped out of our comfort zone, tried something new, or did something a little different can easily change the way we feel about ourselves. So, let’s take some time this weekend to write our own reverse bucket list. We might find out we are cooler than we think.
