Gaining Prospective with Gratitude

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I realized recently, I have a problem. (No comments from the peanut gallery). It started when I read Walden on Wheels. The further I got into the book the happier I realized the author, Ken Ilgunas, was becoming and, the crazy part was, by the end of the book, he didn’t have much of anything. He had a beat up Econoline Van, some clothes, and other random possession. From the outside looking in he looked like a hobo, a vagabond, or a shifty lay about with no dreams or ambitions. Funny thing is, he couldn’t have been happier. He had nothing and everything all at once. He had freedom.

By the end of the book, I found myself dreaming of being Ken. I wanted his adventures, his determination, and his grit. He’d did what I could only imagine. He got an idea in his head and was determined to see it through to the end. He was the poor man’s Richard Branson (and I mean this as an amazing compliment).

As I read, I wondered what lessons I could learn from Ken. He had a certain “Je Ne Sais Quoi” about him and I needed to figure out his secret. My mind traveled back to my single days and the thought of moving into a van to drive cross-country. Having a family I love, however, made these continued thoughts a little difficult.

It recently hit me like a ton of bricks. I’ve been extremely ungrateful lately. Here I was wishing I was someone else when I had a wonderful life around me. My perspective was all wrong and it needed a change.

It tends to be a cyclical problem. Every so often I realize I’m significantly unhappier and more frustrated than is healthy. I find I needed a reality shift. I needed to change the way I think about my life. I needed to be more grateful for my life.

The Gratitude Journal:

Being grateful, for all the good in my life, isn’t easy for me. I tend to be a “glass half empty” kind of person. If I’m stuck in traffic due to a traffic accident I become angry for the delay instead of being grateful I’m not in the wreck. Why should I be grateful though, the universe is out to get me, right?

The unfortunate part of this level of thinking is it makes it more difficult to enjoy the good moments. Had a good weekend with the family? It gets overshadowed by the impending thought of work on Monday. Go out for a drink with friends? The focus is on the amount of money we spend or the hangover and not the quality time we spend with them. It doesn’t stop here. Work is always terrible, our spouse and kids are a pain, we don’t have enough time to ourselves, and everything is awful.

This is why I started my gratitude journal. Every night before I go to bed I write down 10 things I’m grateful happen during the day. This can be anything big or small. It could be something as simple as enjoying my breakfast to something epic like winning the lottery (though I’m not sure I’d need a gratitude journal if I won the lottery), to anything in between. The important thing is to write down at least 10 gratitudes for the day.

“10 sounds like a lot, Joe. Why so many?” Good question. I borrowed the idea from James Altucher and his writing on becoming an idea machine. Here’s why the number 10 is so important. Most people can easily come up with three things they are grateful for each day. Coming up with 4-5 becomes a little more difficult. Gratitude numbers 6-10 really makes the brain sweat. It forces us to really think about our day and find the little things we can appreciate. Maybe it’s a much-needed hug or an unanticipated thank you. It’s about digging deep.

The journal can be on anything. It can be a notebook, on the computer, on our smartphone, on a scrap piece of paper, or taking time to reflect on the day and come up with 10 in our head. This list can be a onetime thing or be saved to reflect on later. Personally, I use Google Docs on my phone and save each one I write. This allows me to put gratitudes in my phone throughout the day I want to reflect on later.

Here’s an example. Monday my wife reminded me, right as I was walking out the door for work, we needed to bring snack to preschool for my middle son. I was pissed she didn’t remind me sooner. We had all weekend and I could have found time this morning. Now I’m going to be late for work.

After taking time to cool down I realized two things. First, I’m grateful she remembered in enough time for me to help her out. Having to get two kids to school with a baby and having to stop by the store would be extremely difficult for her. Second, I’m grateful I have a boss who’s understanding and was okay with me being late. I was able to turn a negative into two positives. (Did I use them? Of course, I did. Waste not, want not!)

If it wasn’t for my gratitude journal I could still be bitter about it. This would create resentment which isn’t healthy in any relationship. Now I get to be thankful I have a wife who remembered and an understanding boss.

This is why this practice is crucial. There is so much going on in our lives it can be easy to forget about all the little moments which brightened our day. Most of us have plenty to be grateful for, starting with waking up each morning. As my Dad likes to say, “I woke up this morning and put my hand out to the left. Then put my hand out to the right. When it didn’t hit wood from the coffin, I knew it would be a good day.” While it can be a little embarrassing, as a teenager, to hear your Dad make this comment to strangers, I think it’s an incredibly powerful statement. We should be grateful we’re alive because the alternative doesn’t sound pleasant.

I’m not saying we aren’t allowed to be sad or unhappy. Of course, we are but focusing too much on the negative can be detrimental to our health. It’s amazing how a little practical optimism can go a long way. At the very least it helps keep things in perspective.

Don’t think it will do you any good? Try writing done 10 gratitudes every night for two weeks and see what happens. I’m certain it will make a different. Enjoy.