Gifts have always been a mix bag for me. On the one hand giving and receiving gifts are fun. There are few things better than when someone buys you something you really wanted or finding that perfect gift for someone. On the other hand, gift giving is a real pain in the ass. There are those people who suck at gift giving. They either put very little thought into it or they don’t know you at all. Then there are those who are difficult to buy for or when you buy the “perfect” gift they don’t seem to care. You get the, “Thanks for the gift,” combined with a sarcastic eye roll.
Gifts are complicated, or at least that’s how I feel. I find the problem with gift giving is you have to pay attention. You have to listen to your friends and family to understand “What they truly desire.” You need to be present with those around you and focus on what they are saying. Many times the desire is something subtle. Maybe it’s a “I’ve been on my feet all day and they are killing me,” or “Having the kids in the house all day is driving me nuts.” They aren’t asking you to do anything but if you actually listening you could give them a “perfect” gift.
Who the fuck wants to do that? Who wants to pay attention to the people around them all the time? I know I don’t. It’s exhausting. That’s work. I spend 40 hours a week working do I really need to do more work by listening to you?
If you are anything like me, you spend a ton of time in your own little world. As much as I try not to be I’m coming to realize how selfish I am. When I get home from work, I like to have about five minutes to decompress before I get into the home life. I tell myself I only need five minutes but once the time is up I’m disappointed and upset I didn’t get more time. “If I had 10 minutes alone, I would have no problems being present. Yeah, that’s it… Just ten minutes.” Unfortunately, that’s never enough either. It’s never ever enough.
Then I start sneaking and stealing time to do what I want to do. A couple minutes listening to a podcast here or a YouTube video there. Maybe a quick round of Tetris? I sneak and steal and borrow from other people to give to myself. Then when it’s comes time for those mandatory gift giving times, I’ve got nothing because I wasn’t present all year long.
At times I feel like a hoarder. I hoard time, I hoard money, and I hoard myself only giving it away when I feel it benefits me. I give gifts because I’m hoping for something in return or I feel obligated. I’m looking for the gift of reciprocity. Quid pro quo, so to speak. If I give you enough of gifts, maybe you give me something in return.
The funny thing is, I’ve found it doesn’t get me anywhere. I end up with a ton of shit and no one to share it with. I become a scrooge. In the end, I just feel miserable.
Recently, I’ve started to make change in my life. I’m looking to give more away. I want to give more gifts.
People always talk about the way you feel when you give a gift. How it makes you feel when you give freely of yourself. When you are able to put someone else’s needs ahead of your own. Seth Godin, in his book the Linchpin, talks about how the giver gets more out of the gift than the receiver. I believe it because I’ve felt it.
This has become one of my new goals. I received so much in my life so far that it’s time to start giving. This means I will also need to be more present in the lives of those around me. It means doing instead of offering. This means turning off the TV, pulling the headphones out of my ears, making eye contact, and keeping my mouth shut. The more I listen the better the gifts I can give.
Today, I’m giving myself a challenge. I will give a least one gift a week for the next year. This gift does not have to be monetary but needs to be freely given with no strings attached. This could be inviting someone over for dinner or buying them a bottle of their favorite bourbon. It could be watching someone’s kids or paying for their ticket to the movies. This means at least 52 gifts for the next 52 weeks. (Christmas and Birthdays don’t count as part of the gift giving process). I don’t know how this will go or what this will look like but I’m excited!
How are you at gift giving? Are you up for the challenge? Come join me and let me know how it goes!
