The Trough of Sorrow

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One of the things I like most about writing a personal development blog is I get to write about new tips and tricks I’ve found. Part of the fun is finding nuggets of advice from the things around me from friends to movies and everything in between. Then I get to write them down, not only for myself but, to share with anyone interested in reading what I have to say. Every time I find something to write about I find several other follow up posts as well.

I’m not just taking things I’ve found, repackaging the content, and turning it into a post but I try my advice. This has led to some interesting little experiments and new things I enjoy doing. Wim Hof’s breathing practice, meditation, and journaling are a few things I enjoy doing.

The problem with personal development is it can be overwhelming. There’s always something new to do, new to try, and a new variation on an old idea. There are so many people out there trying to help it’s easy to feel overloaded. I know for me, the more I read, the more I want to implement all at once, and the more I fail. Working on two-week experiments are great, in theory, but it can be difficult to implement in real life, especially when there’s so much to try.

As anyone who’s tried making a New Year’s Resolution, the easy part is starting, but once the real work begins it’s easy overwhelmed, disappointed, and quit. Initially, we are riding high and are untouchable. Soon we hit a speed bump and we start to wobble. After experiencing this amazing high from our life changing idea, we feel the depressive low from the wobble. Few speed bumps later, and we throw in the towel because we “can’t” do it.

What happened? How did we go from “I’m on top of the world to my life sucks” and “I’ll never accomplish anything?” We’ve landed in the “Trough of Sorrow.”

Trough of Sorrow“What is this fancy, nonsense term you’re using this time, Joe?” The trough of sorrow is a term coined by Y Combinator founder Paul Graham, and his partners, to explain the point in a start-up’s life cycle where the “new car smell” wears off and the real work begins. As seen in the diagram, first start-up founders get excited about how they will change the world. Then the novelty dies off and all they are left is the grind of making it work. Sometimes a start-up can spend years in the trough waiting to see if their idea will work. This is where most start-ups either persevere, pivot from their original idea, or quit completely.

The trough of sorrow is what we experience when life gets in the way of our personal development goals. We miss a day or two working on our new habit or skill and we start to spiral. Soon a day turns into a week, turns into a month, and turns into forever. We’ve failed so we must be failures, right?

This has been the issue I’ve had the last several months. I’ve started and quit several habit changes and projects in the last several months. Every time I try to start something new life gets in the way, I hit a few speed bumps, and I give up. When I hit the trough of sorrow, I tend to hit it HARD. I try to take on too much all at once and wind up sucking at everything until I give up and feel like a failure. Not the good kind where I learn from my experiences but the bad one who throws himself a pity party.

Most days, all I really want to do is hide under my desk or go full Emo, crying alone in the corner of a dark room. I feel sorry for myself because my expectations are not matching up with reality. I suck and there’s nothing I can do about it.

This is why I wanted to write this post. I want to show I still have a long way to go in my personal development journey and I’m writing these posts to help me as much as I want to help others. Somethings I need to remind myself I am doing a good job, my feelings are normal, and I’m not the only one going through this situation. Here are some things I plan on using to help get me out of the trough of sorrow:

Dealing with the Trough of Sorrow

Concentrating on our Emotions:

Many times, we feel like we are the only ones who are failing horribly. We see friends and influencers on social media showing us their perfect little lives and it’s easy to ask ourselves, “what’s wrong with me?” The thing is we all go through the trough of sorrow. Everyone has their low points.

We need to remember change is difficult. It is were easy everyone would be doing it all the time. We are going to fail time and time again. It’s okay to fail, especially if we are willing to learn from our mistakes.

Steve Kamb of Nerd Fitness has a great article on starting over or, as he calls it, respawning. In it he suggests three steps to help us get closer to success when we decided to try something again.

  1. Separate yourself form the Old You: Every time we start over we do it as a new person. It doesn’t matter what happened yesterday. It’s in the past. We can take what we’ve learned and put it towards making today a success. Today is a new day, we are new people, and we can do it
  2. Capitalize on Momentum: Every time we start over we are filled with excitement and passion. We need to take this time to make plans and changes we will be forced to continue when we hit the trough.
  3. Fail Differently: Now, we might not succeed in this attempt either but that’s okay. By doing things a little differently, this time, we will fail differently. This means we will learn more, which we can use for the next time we try again. The more we try, the more we learn, and the more likely we are to achieve our goals.

Working through our Problems:

Once the initial excitement of starting something new and we get to the trough it’s easy to get frustrated. It’s helpful to take some time here for introspection. We should ask ourselves why are we failing? What are the issues we are encountering? What is triggering our regression? Looking into why we are having issues allows us to plan around them.

A lack of or poor planning is another reason many of us stumble. Initially we get excited and dove right in. We knew what we want our end result to be, but we haven’t made a plan to get there. Since there’s isn’t a plan, we bail. When planning to start our new habit, skill, or project it’s important to think of these three things:

  1. Keep it simple: Figure out the bare minimum we can do and still be successful
  2. Celebrate Small Wins: Build small wins into the plan and celebrate them.
  3. Build a Team: It’s important for us to have a team to help keep us accountable. Family, friends, co-workers, hire a coach, or find someone off the street. Anyone who will help us to keep going.

We must Perseverance:

When we start something new it’s easy to feel like we can take on the world. “Ain’t nobody gonna break my stride, ain’t nobody gonna slow me down. I’ve got to keep on movin’!” Then the resistance realizes we want to change the status quo and it freaks out. The resistance pushes us head first into the trough.

The resistance doesn’t want us to grow. It doesn’t want us to change. It tries to trick us into thinking we “can’t” do it and won’t make it. It knows one of our basic instincts when things get tough is to run away. In fact, it’s counting on it.

It’s not that we don’t want to change but it’s easy to feel “it’s not the right time.” Maybe I’ll let things in my life die down and start again. The problem is life rarely slows down and something always gets in the way. As cliché as it might sound, unfortunately, perseverance is the only way to get through the trough.

The thing to remember, no matter how many times we quit, start over, or try something new it will always be difficult. The trough of sorrow isn’t a unique or special circumstance. Being extremely passionate about a project, skill, or habit change doesn’t mean we will skip out on the struggles. The struggle will always be real, and we will need to deal with it, eventually. If we want to make real, lasting change we need to persevere when times get tough.

 

I think the important things to remember are we are not alone, it’s okay to fail and start over, it’s important to have a plan and a support network or group, and the only way past the trough of sorrow is through it. It’s never easy and we are going to stumble many times along the way. As long as we pick ourselves up and try again we will eventually make things happen.

Chen, Andrew. “After the Techcrunch bump: Life in the ‘Trough of Sorrow’”.

What is Your One Thing?

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As I may or may not have mentioned before, I have three children, one who is only 7 months old. This means my house is in a constant state of disarray. This tends to leave my wife and I extremely frustrated. No matter how much we try to clean up, it’s ruined quickly. It’s one step forward and two steps back.

Last weekend, I was complaining to a buddy about the house, and he gave me a strange but amazing piece of advice. He said, “pick one thing and make it YOUR thing.” Basically, pick one place in the house, whether it’s the bedroom, family room, toy room, kitchen, etc. and always ensure it is neat and clean. No matter how the rest of the house looks or what else is going on, I must ensure my “area” of the house is clean. No complaining just do it.

“Okay, Joe, what’s the big deal?” I think it’s an easy way to give us some semblance of order back in our lives. I know when I feel like my life is completely out of control it’s because I’m worried about too many things all at once. My wife, my kids, my job, my house, my friends, my future, and my world all at the same time. I feel like I’m on a treadmill. I’m going a mile a minute but I not getting anywhere.

Instead of trying to do everything, we need to pick one thing and make it OUR thing. The important thing is to make it small and manageable. Picking too large of a “thing” can be a one-way ticket to Overwhelmsville.

Going back to my conversation about my house, I decided to ensure the dishes are clean and put away every single night. This gives me a base of operations while allowing me to feel like I made a difference by accomplishing something. Then if there is time or if feeling especially frisky I can expand to the rest of the house.

This prevents cherry picking and the “what do I feel like today” mentality. Whenever it’s time to clean the house, I know where I’m starting. Basically, I’ve eliminated the choice of where to start reducing my need to use willpower. Now I’m able to be more effective in the house.

Why is keeping my house clean so difficult? Is it because I’m a slob, I have 3 kids, or own more things than necessary? Probably all of them. The other problem is, by the time I get home, at the end of the day I’m exhausted. Sure, I spend most of my day sitting in a chair staring at a computer screen but mentally, I have very little left in me. I’m all out of willpower.

We’ve all had those days where we know what we should be doing but we don’t have the energy or drive to make it happen. Instead of cleaning or working on a project, we procrastinate because we don’t have the willpower. We feel weak and lazy.

The thing is our willpower is like a glass of water. Every time we make a decision or “force” ourselves to do something, the cup gets drained a little. The more energy we expend making decisions, both conscious and unconscious, the fast cup empties and until we feel overwhelmed. This leads to what researchers call decision fatigue.

There are several ways to help combat decision fatigue. James Clear gives us 5 ways to combat decision fatigue and SJ Scott gives us a few more, with 9 ways. Two of the points they agree upon are making important decisions ahead of time and simplifying the process. The idea of “pick one thing and make it YOUR thing” is an amalgamation of these two ideas. We’ve decided what we are going to do (in this case it’s focusing on keeping the dishes clean) and we’ve kept it small and manageable (concentrating only on the dishes and the sink area). Now whenever it’s time to get to work we don’t need to guess, we know where to start.

The trick is to understand our priorities. What do we care about the most? What can we concentrate on which will reduce our stress exponentially? What are the things we dread doing the most? These are the things we need to work on first. Then when we’ve created the list of our top priorities, we figure out which is number one and start there. This becomes our thing.

Now we aren’t reliant on willpower to push us into action. We know what we need to do, and we can do it. It’s our top priority after all.

I know I’ve talked a lot about my house and my kitchen but the nice thing about this idea is it can work for most things. Dinners, the kids, job functions, and even friends and family. By developing priorities for the major stressors in our lives, we can pick out thing to become our thing. Once we finish our thing, we can move on to the next thing.

This implementation will take time and practice. I’ve been at this for almost a week and I’ve failed more often than not. The important thing is to keep trying and work to continuously ensure it’s the priority. We already know what we have to do, we just need to execute. So, let’s find out thing, make it our thing, and go kick ass together.

The Reverse Bucket List: We are Cooler than We Think!

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What are all the things I want to do before I die? What is on my bucket list? This is a fairly common question we have nowadays. We think about the future, what it holds, and how can we get there? It can be extremely fun an exciting to dream about what’s in store for us, but it has a tendency to fill us with dread. What if I’m stuck where I am? What if I never amount to anything? What if my bucket list goes unchecked?

It can be exhausting thinking about “what ifs.” As a species, human-beings are horrible at predicting the future. We make educated guesses but unfortunately, the only real certainty in life is death.

Then there are the times we reflect on our past focusing on failures and regrets. How often do we wish we did things differently? It can be a lot for us to think about and, if we aren’t careful, it can consume us, causing major depression.

“Wow, Joe, this really sound like it is going to be one of those uplifting posts, isn’t it?” Hold on a second. I’m getting there. Stick with me here.

Why should we let the past and future haunt us? Sure, we’ve all made decisions we would probably change or aren’t proud of things we’ve done. But what about all the good things in our life? What about all the times we’ve kicked ass and taking names? The times we were the Liam Neesoned of our lives, throat chopping everything in sight?

As I wrote about on Tuesday, a gratitude journal is a great place to start. Writing down things we are grateful for, each day, is a great way to focus on the positive instead of the negative. It also prevents us from taking the simple things for granted. Did the car start on the first try or our kids ran to give us a hug when we got home from work? They might be normal occurrences but can be easily taken for granted.

What about the long-term regret? What about all the times we messed up zigging instead of zagging? These thoughts can easily sucker us into negative thinking, followed by the inevitable pity party.

The Reverse Bucket List:

When we need a little positivity in our lives we can turn to the Reverse Bucket list. This is an idea I’m borrowing from a newsletter by the author Chris Guillebeau. As he says, “If a bucket list is all about dreaming of something you might do one day, the Reverse Bucket List is all about recognizing what you’ve already done.” Thankfully, the process is easy to replicate.

Block out about 10-15 minutes of alone time and prevent any possible distractions (phones, TV, the internet, etc.). We are taking this time to reflect on our life to answer these three simple questions:

  • What are we proud of?
  • What have we accomplished?
  • What was challenging or scary… but we did it anyway?

These questions don’t need to be answered separately. Since the questions are so similar many of the answers will overlap. The important thing is to remember all the cool things we’ve done and experienced in our lives. Maybe we’ve never jumped out of an airplane, but we’ve spent several days hiking the Appalachian Trail. (for the record, I’ve done neither… yet!)

Much like the gratitude journal, this allows us to focus on the positive in our lives rather than the negative. It can help us realize, especially when we are feeling down and worthless, we’ve done some cool and interesting things others wish they could do. Or there might be something we think is no big deal but someone else thinks it is awesome/crazy.

“What about you, Joe? What are your answers to the questions?” Good Question! One of my major accomplishments was complete Navy Boot Camp. It was both challenging and scary (you can ask my parents about their thoughts), but I made it through to the end. There were even a few times I could have easily gotten out of my contract and gone home, but I chose to stay.

My problem is I’ve never seen completing boot camp as a big deal. Joining the Navy was never a choice for me but something I had to do. Much like someone being called into the religious service, I was pulled to become a Sailor. While boot camp sucked, the only way I EVER thought I could get out was straight through to the end.

Going through the reverse bucket list process helped me realize it was a big deal and something I should be proud of completing. I regularly hear from people, “I could never join the military. It’s too ‘Fill In The Blank HERE’!” It might not be a big deal for me but for others it’s unfathomable.

It’s important to remember this when we work on our own reverse bucket list. Time tends to downplay how difficult things seem, and it can be easily forgotten or disregarded. If we get stuck we can ask ourselves the question, “What would other people think if we told them we did ‘x’?” (This is meant to be a useful tool when we get stuck and not to measure our accomplishments against others.)

Remember, even some of our smallest accomplishments can give us the greatest sense of pride. Focusing on the times we stepped out of our comfort zone, tried something new, or did something a little different can easily change the way we feel about ourselves. So, let’s take some time this weekend to write our own reverse bucket list. We might find out we are cooler than we think.

Gaining Prospective with Gratitude

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I realized recently, I have a problem. (No comments from the peanut gallery). It started when I read Walden on Wheels. The further I got into the book the happier I realized the author, Ken Ilgunas, was becoming and, the crazy part was, by the end of the book, he didn’t have much of anything. He had a beat up Econoline Van, some clothes, and other random possession. From the outside looking in he looked like a hobo, a vagabond, or a shifty lay about with no dreams or ambitions. Funny thing is, he couldn’t have been happier. He had nothing and everything all at once. He had freedom.

By the end of the book, I found myself dreaming of being Ken. I wanted his adventures, his determination, and his grit. He’d did what I could only imagine. He got an idea in his head and was determined to see it through to the end. He was the poor man’s Richard Branson (and I mean this as an amazing compliment).

As I read, I wondered what lessons I could learn from Ken. He had a certain “Je Ne Sais Quoi” about him and I needed to figure out his secret. My mind traveled back to my single days and the thought of moving into a van to drive cross-country. Having a family I love, however, made these continued thoughts a little difficult.

It recently hit me like a ton of bricks. I’ve been extremely ungrateful lately. Here I was wishing I was someone else when I had a wonderful life around me. My perspective was all wrong and it needed a change.

It tends to be a cyclical problem. Every so often I realize I’m significantly unhappier and more frustrated than is healthy. I find I needed a reality shift. I needed to change the way I think about my life. I needed to be more grateful for my life.

The Gratitude Journal:

Being grateful, for all the good in my life, isn’t easy for me. I tend to be a “glass half empty” kind of person. If I’m stuck in traffic due to a traffic accident I become angry for the delay instead of being grateful I’m not in the wreck. Why should I be grateful though, the universe is out to get me, right?

The unfortunate part of this level of thinking is it makes it more difficult to enjoy the good moments. Had a good weekend with the family? It gets overshadowed by the impending thought of work on Monday. Go out for a drink with friends? The focus is on the amount of money we spend or the hangover and not the quality time we spend with them. It doesn’t stop here. Work is always terrible, our spouse and kids are a pain, we don’t have enough time to ourselves, and everything is awful.

This is why I started my gratitude journal. Every night before I go to bed I write down 10 things I’m grateful happen during the day. This can be anything big or small. It could be something as simple as enjoying my breakfast to something epic like winning the lottery (though I’m not sure I’d need a gratitude journal if I won the lottery), to anything in between. The important thing is to write down at least 10 gratitudes for the day.

“10 sounds like a lot, Joe. Why so many?” Good question. I borrowed the idea from James Altucher and his writing on becoming an idea machine. Here’s why the number 10 is so important. Most people can easily come up with three things they are grateful for each day. Coming up with 4-5 becomes a little more difficult. Gratitude numbers 6-10 really makes the brain sweat. It forces us to really think about our day and find the little things we can appreciate. Maybe it’s a much-needed hug or an unanticipated thank you. It’s about digging deep.

The journal can be on anything. It can be a notebook, on the computer, on our smartphone, on a scrap piece of paper, or taking time to reflect on the day and come up with 10 in our head. This list can be a onetime thing or be saved to reflect on later. Personally, I use Google Docs on my phone and save each one I write. This allows me to put gratitudes in my phone throughout the day I want to reflect on later.

Here’s an example. Monday my wife reminded me, right as I was walking out the door for work, we needed to bring snack to preschool for my middle son. I was pissed she didn’t remind me sooner. We had all weekend and I could have found time this morning. Now I’m going to be late for work.

After taking time to cool down I realized two things. First, I’m grateful she remembered in enough time for me to help her out. Having to get two kids to school with a baby and having to stop by the store would be extremely difficult for her. Second, I’m grateful I have a boss who’s understanding and was okay with me being late. I was able to turn a negative into two positives. (Did I use them? Of course, I did. Waste not, want not!)

If it wasn’t for my gratitude journal I could still be bitter about it. This would create resentment which isn’t healthy in any relationship. Now I get to be thankful I have a wife who remembered and an understanding boss.

This is why this practice is crucial. There is so much going on in our lives it can be easy to forget about all the little moments which brightened our day. Most of us have plenty to be grateful for, starting with waking up each morning. As my Dad likes to say, “I woke up this morning and put my hand out to the left. Then put my hand out to the right. When it didn’t hit wood from the coffin, I knew it would be a good day.” While it can be a little embarrassing, as a teenager, to hear your Dad make this comment to strangers, I think it’s an incredibly powerful statement. We should be grateful we’re alive because the alternative doesn’t sound pleasant.

I’m not saying we aren’t allowed to be sad or unhappy. Of course, we are but focusing too much on the negative can be detrimental to our health. It’s amazing how a little practical optimism can go a long way. At the very least it helps keep things in perspective.

Don’t think it will do you any good? Try writing done 10 gratitudes every night for two weeks and see what happens. I’m certain it will make a different. Enjoy.

 

Why We Should Want to be a Generalist in a World of Specialists

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I’ve always considered myself a Jack-of-all-Trades, master of none. It’s something I’ve taken great pride in throughout my life. While most people would only focus on one or two major areas of interest, I was all over the place soaking up knowledge like a sponge. I didn’t care where it came from, I like learning fun facts and how things work.

I’ve never wanted to be a specialist because it’s always felt a little too restricting. Why be force into learning one particular thing when there’s so much out there to learn on such a wide array of topics. It always felt like a waste.

For a while, I started feeling my manic knowledge acquisition was becoming quite burdensome.  I felt like other people saw me as flighty, uncommitted, and undisciplined. I’m sure they felt like they were on an episode of Pinky and the Brain where I was trying to come up with schemes to take over the world. It’s been stressful to say the least.

Unfortunately, over the last couple of years, I’ve come to face an uncomfortable truth. Companies don’t want generalists. They don’t want the “utility” player who can do a little bit of everything but is still willing to learn everything they need to know about their job. Companies want specialists. The purveyors of a “particular set of skills” companies can leverage for rapid integration of new personnel. The person who spent the last 10 years acquiring knowledge in a particular area to beat out the competition. They want the “best in their field.”

Generalists are often seen as flaky and undisciplined by the outside world. We are unwilling to put in the hard work to pursue excellence and be the best. Our flippant disregard for specialization makes others feel we are a liability instead of an asset.

This level of thinking was detrimental to me for years. I would bounce from thing to thing hoping to find my “one” thing I would be interested in to make a long-term career out of it. But of course, nothing stuck. Sure, there are interests I gravitate towards like business development, nerd culture, fitness, and, obviously, personal development but not enough to make anything land.

Recently, the stars aligned, and my thought process changed. Being a generalist isn’t a burden. Jack-of-all-trades isn’t a scarlet letter I need to wear in shame. It’s a superpower. It’s something I should embrace.

It 2007, Tim Ferriss wrote a blog post on “The Top 5 Reasons to be a Jack-of-all-Trades.” In the article, Tim gives his readers five excellent reasons to be a generalist, summarized here:

  • “Jack-of-all-Trades, Master of None” is an artificial pairing. Using the 80/20 principle we can learn all we need to know about a subject to be considered an expert.
  • In the world of dogmatic specialists, it’s the generalists who ends up running the show. Companies, organizations, the military, and countries are run by generalists who have specialists as sidekicks.
  • Boredom is Failure. Becoming overly specialized can lead to boredom while generalizing creates keeps things interesting.
  • Diversity of intellectual playgrounds breeds confidence instead of fear of the unknown. The more we want to learn the easier it is to connect with those around us.
  • It’s more fun, in the most serious existential sense. The more we find interesting the more unique experiences we can enjoy.

It is a great, short article which is worth taking the three minutes out of the day to read. The thing is, after rereading this article for this post, I felt he missed come critical positives of the generalist mindset. Some added bonuses generalist shouldn’t overlook.

Here are five more reasons to be a Jack-of-all-Trades:

They Better Problem Solvers:

When a problem arises for the specialist they want to solve it using the only way they know how, through their specialty. This could work for them, but it might not be the best solution. Having a broad sweeping knowledge of a greater number of areas allow the generalist to come up with creative ways to problem solve. This could wind up creating an even better solution than any specialist could.

They Pioneer New Industries:

One of the most important ideas, in my opinion, to come from the author/podcaster James Altucher is becoming an Idea Machine. This is where individuals brainstorm at least 10 ideas per day to build up the “idea muscle.” In this daily practice he brings up the notion of “idea sex” where two or more ideas are combined to create something new and different.

This is how entire new industries born. Think about the smart phone. It’s a combination of the mobile phone, the personal computer, and the internet. Now we have faster computers in our pockets than I didn’t when I went to college. Generalists have a great ability to use idea sex to pioneer new industries, due to their vast interests, then the specialist.

They are more creative:

Much like with pioneering new industries, generalists have a broader range of knowledge to use with their creative endeavors. New worlds, art styles, and passions can come by combining two or more areas of interest. Imagine if the movie Independence Day took place during World War 2 instead. It would probably look a lot like the PlayStation 3 game Resistance: Fall of Man. Two seeming different genres were melded together to get something completely unique and interesting. Even a Lord of the Rings is a blend of Norse Mythology, Medieval Fantasy, Tolkien’s experiences as a soldier during World War 1, and his observations of the changes in the world around him.

They make better Specialists:

Contrary to most of this posts message being a specialist isn’t a bad thing. Getting into the nitty gritty of a topic or subject has it’s on set of rewards for those willing to take the time to dig deep. If, however, a specialist decides to broaden their worldview by looking outside of their discipline it could create some interesting opportunities. Especially when the other discipline is completely different.

In a YouTube video discussing the documentary Free Solo about Alex Honnold who was the first person to ever free solo Yosemite’s El Capitan, the director makes an interesting but throwaway comment. Director Jimmy Chin stated, “We needed elite professional climbers that were also incredible film makers and cinematographers, meaning there’s only three or four people in the world you can call.” These individuals were using knowledge and expertise in multiple areas to help with a unique experience they wouldn’t had otherwise.

They are specialists in disguise:

Generalists specialize in the world. They can find something interesting where others might find it unappealing or boring. They like to learn from people who are passionate their interests and try to bring out their excitement. Generalist specialize in “fun facts” and know just enough about various topics to be dangerous.

They may not be concerned with becoming the best in a field of study, but they are happy knowing they can hold their own. This allows them to take what they’ve learned in a variety of areas and combine them into their own unique specialty. Vagabond, dilettante, dabbler, jack-of-all-trades are badges of honor for the specialist who “specializes” in everything.

 

The best part is history is littered with successful generalists. People who took their love and passion for the world and became immortalized. Three of the most famous being Leonardo DaVinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Benjamin Franklin.

Even as the world has gotten small and the demand for the specialist has grown there are plenty of famous generalists including Tim Ferriss and Ashton Kutcher. If someone told me 20 years ago that guy from That 70s Show and Dude, Where’s My Car would become not only a famous actor but a successful investor, philanthropist, and activist, I would have said they were nuts. Here we are, and he is killing it.

It can be easy sometimes to see our generalist desires as burdensome. It’s easy to feel bad when we are unwilling to focus on one thing. It’s easy to listen to the nay-sayers. The thing to remember is it’s okay to be a generalist. This super power of ours gives us strength if we are willing to embrace it. Sure, if we are not careful it will control us, but, with practice, we can become stronger than any specialist. If we continue to learn wherever we can, there is no limit to what we can create. So, let’s get out there, read a book, watch a YouTube video, or have a genuine conversation with someone to learn something new.

I’m Back With the #1 Way to Be Happy!

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It’s been a while since I posted anything and for this I apologize. I was trying to work on some big changes, but they are taking longer than I planned. Instead of waiting any longer I decided I needed to get back on the horse and continue writing. The plan from now one is to write two posts a week, on Tuesdays and Fridays, allowing me to continue to raise the quality of each post. As time permits, I will add bonus posts here and there. Until then, I hope you enjoy.

How often do we wake up in the morning wishing we could roll back over and sleep the day way? We think about the jobs we must go to or the myriad of responsibilities we have throughout the day. We think about our massive To-Do lists and become exhausted instead of energized. I know this is how I am most mornings.

The problem is we are unhappy with our lives. We don’t like the direction it is headed. With each passing day it becomes easier and easier to feel stuck in the life we feel is going nowhere.

We want to be excited to wake up each morning, proud of the direction our lives are headed. We want to feel fulfilled and know our life has purpose. We want to be happy.

But what does it mean to feel happy? Well, according to Google, the expert on EVERYTHING, happiness is the state of feeling or showing pleasure or contentment. As my sister would say, “It’s living a life we don’t need a vacation from.”

“Thanks for the English lesson, Joe, but what is this magical key to being happy?” Okay, we go. The number one way to be happy is to change. That’s right, I said it. We need to change.

“I don’t know what’s worse, Joe? Your click bait title or your fortune cookie advice.” Hold on a second and let me explain. For those of us who are chronically unhappy, me included, it’s because we continue to do the same thing, day in and day out, expecting different results. Sure, we might try something new once or twice, but it doesn’t take us long to fall off the horse. Then we throw our hands up in the air, say “I can’t do it,” and continue with our lives. Does this make sense?

We feel stuck because we don’t want to or are unwilling to change. For many of us, fear is what’s holding us back. Fear of failing, fear of success, fear of disappointment, or plain fear of the unknown. Whatever the reason, we are holding ourselves back and no one else. How can we expect anyone else to take us seriously if we won’t take ourselves seriously?

Change isn’t easy. Change sucks. Change is something many of us resist because it’s easier to continue where we are than to move forward. Change takes willpower, time, and energy which are three things many of us have in short supply.

The most important thing about change is no one can do it for us. We must want it. We must chase after it. We must be the ones who put in the work, every day, to ensure it happens. I know it’s easier said than done but here are a few things we can do to move the ball forward.

Making a Change:

Now we know what to do but how do we go about making those changes? Here are five things we can try changing:

Make on small consistent changes/establish a new routine:

The interesting thing about change is many times big change comes from making small, consistent changes over a long period of time. When trying to lose weight, it’s much easier to make a smart, healthy breakfast each day then it is to go full Paleo. Sure, it’s better to change our diets completely to only healthy meals, but it’s difficult to maintain. There are times I fail before I even begin.

Big changes can be daunting which causes us to become overwhelmed quickly, causing us to fail, and perpetuating the cycle of feeling like a failure.

We need to start with small, consistent changes by introducing one or two new habits at a time. I know I have a problem of wanting to make all the changes at once, but this quickly becomes as overwhelming as making one big change. It can be too much to handle.

Instead, making one or two small changes at a time allows us to get accustom to this new routine seamlessly. After the new habits or changes become routine, we can feel free to add a couple more.

Meet new people:

Everyone’s favorite. Meeting new people. Why is it scary for so many people? I think it has something to do will all the unknowns. Will we have anything in common? Will they be boring? Will they be obnoxious? Will they find me obnoxious? Will I ever see them again and if the answer is no, why bother talking to them in the first place?

These are all valid concerns and there are plenty more where those came from, I’m sure. Should these concerns stop us from trying to meet new people? Of course not. Though some people we meet might suck, there will be plenty of gems too. People we will be thankful we took the time to meet.

One of my favorite stories to tell is about meeting my best friend, and now my brother-in-law. Shortly after getting to my first duty station in the Navy, another friend of mine, Alan, and I walked into his barrack’s room to see this goofy looking dude sitting on one of the twin beds. I immediately disliked this guy for no good reason. A week or two later Alan left to go back home for the weekend leaving me with nothing to do. I figured, “why not see if the new guy wants to hang out?” We hung out for the entire weekend and became fast friends.

Fast forward to today. He married my sister and we talk almost every day. We were on the ship together, we lived together, and we went to Iraq and Kuwait together. He’s also one of my longest running friendships I have in my life. None of this would have happened if I hadn’t decided to meet someone new, or at least get to know them better.

Again, I know when we try to meet new people we’ll find plenty of duds. They are uninteresting, boring, or even obnoxious and we won’t want anything to do with them. That’s okay. It will happen but for dud we meet there is an equal or greater number of fascinating people out there for us to discover.

Try new experiences:

Bucket list have become increasingly popular as we dream about everything we want to do with our lives. The thing is, when was the last time we checked anything off the list? When was the last time we were a little adventurous and did something completely out of the norm? Sky diving, surfing, rock climbing? It could be something as simple as walking around a new area town or taking a hike in the woods.

The point is, we get stuck in these ruts and routines and don’t see a way out. Can’ts and have tos take over and the things we want to make time for begin to fall by the wayside. We make excuses to explain why we are unable to do what we want. Wife, kids, job, and other responsibilities all become a priority (which are obviously important) until we slowly start to lose pieces of ourselves. Then all we are left with, in the end, is a mountain of regret.

Sometimes we need to shake things up. We need to go outside, take a trip (with or without the family), and get a little crazy. There are plenty of ways to have new experiences by walking out the front door. Take a chance and live a little. Maybe we can check something off the ever-growing bucket list too.

Learn a new skill:

Learning new skills has always been scary for me. If I try something out once or twice and I’m not good at it, I tend to give it up pretty quickly. Why? I don’t like looking or feeling stupid. Frankly, I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m not alone. This is probably a feeling many of us share.

Why should be care about looking stupid? There are plenty of people who look stupid or suck when they first start out. It’s kind of the point. What makes those people different? They don’t over think the situation, don’t mind looking silly, and care more about the new skill more than looking dumb.

I’m sure there’s also the fear of time. When do we have time to learn this new skill? How long will it take before we become good at it? Then we start comparing ourselves to others and it’s easy to become frustrated.

Learning a new skill, however, takes less time than we might think. In his second book The First 20 Hours, author Josh Kaufman explains it only takes 20 hours of deliberate practice to learn a new skill. In his Ted Talk about the subject he says, “That’s 45 minutes a day for a month, and it allows you to skip a few days.”

With his easy formula we can learn anything we want to in a minimal amount of time. We won’t be elite experts, but we will have the skill. This means we have even less excuses than before to try something new.

With all the free or inexpensive tools, guides, and information on the internet it’s easier than ever to learn something new. How do we figure out what skill to learn? Well, if nothing jumps out at us immediately, we can start by making list of skills we’d like to learn. They might be skills to help at work, something we want to learn for a future career, or for fun. This is no wrong answer.

Me? What’s on my list? Well, I’ve decided I want to learn sleight of hand card tricks to use at my monthly poker game. It worked for Edward Norton, didn’t it?

Forgiving Ourselves:

I think this is a difficult one for many people. I know it’s difficult for me. Even if we try to go through life without regrets, it’s easy to wonder how our life would be different, if not better, if we made changes to our lives’ years ago. Unfortunately, until Dr. Brown invents the Flux Capacitor, and time travel along with it, we are stuck on our current trajectory.

According to an ancient Chinese proverb: “the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second-best time is now.” Basically, we are not able to change the past, but we can start today to change for the future. Part of this change starts by letting go of the past. It involves forgiving ourselves for not being willing or able to make changes in our lives sooner. It’s okay we didn’t start earlier because we weren’t ready. We still had things we needed to learn.

By forgiving ourselves for our past we can move forward into the future. We are recognizing our past mistakes and learning from them. We know what we need to do and can get after it. All those times we didn’t start or tried but were unsuccessful, these were not failures but were teachable moments. Moments we needed to experience to get us here, where we are today.

We need change the way we see ourselves. So, let’s take a moment today to look in the mirror, and forgive ourselves for all the anger, bitterness, and resentment we’re holding onto in our lives. We deserve it.

 

I want to finish with this last statement. Change isn’t about achieving perfection. This post is not about how we are worthless people who need to change because there is something wrong with us. We are not deficient. We are not garbage.

We, in fact, are awesome individuals with unique paths, choices, and experiences. No two people are the same and we each have something unique to teach and share. We need to revel in our individuality and be proud of this fact.

Change is about continuing to grow and learn. The change I’m talking about involves figuring out what we truly want in life, moving passed our fears, and chasing our dreams. This could be a new career, crazy new experiences, or more time with people we love, doing the things we love. Happiness comes from figuring out who we are. Change can be a great way to get us there.

Fitness Friday – The Unofficial Official Gym Rules

Image Credit: Pixabay

The gym can be a scary place, sometimes feeling more like an untamed jungle rather than a place people come together to do fitness. There’s treadmills, ellipticals, barbells, dumbbells, and machines all ready to be used once the membership fee is paid. It can be extremely intimidating for a newbie let alone a seasoned fitness enthusiast. Not only are there tons of different ways to work out but it feels like there almost as many rules, both official and unofficial. It can be a little overwhelming. Though many of the rules are posted by the gym for everyone to follow there are unofficial rules which can get you penalized by the other patrons.

For those who decide to take a moment to Google “gym rules” or “gym etiquette,” the results can be dizzying. Men’s Journal, for example, had a list of 5 rules while Nerd Fitness had 29 rules and Muscle and Strength had 50. How are we supposed to remember them all? Well, I’m here to help. The gym is scary enough without having to remember a million different Gym Rat rules. Let’s get started:

Follow the Rules at the Gym: I pulled this straight from the Nerd Fitness article on gym etiquette, I linked to above, but I think it’s an important place to start. While many gyms have similar rules, there will be differences. There may even be different rules within a particular gym chain depending on size and the type of equipment. Understanding what should or shouldn’t be done at a particular gym location is important. It doesn’t matter whether or not we feel the rules are “dumb,” to train there, the rules must be followed.

Clean Up: This might sound basic and simple but sadly some gross people attend gyms. When it comes to cleaning up first we need to ensure all the equipment we use is put away when we are finished. This includes barbell weights, dumbbells, medicine balls, kettlebells, etc. This is not our home where we can leave things all over the place. When we’re are done with the equipment, put it back. Forgetting this rule will definitely get garner some angry looks.

Second, it’s important to wipe down the equipment when we’re finished. This includes the benches, machines, and the cardio equipment. I know it can feel badass to be dripping in sweat after a tough workout, but I promise no one else wants our nastiness on them. Not only will many gyms provide towels for free for those who forget one but they usually have Lysol/disinfectant wipes around the gym for this express purpose. Gym owners generally try to keep their facilities clean but they need help to ensure germs don’t get passed around like a preschool.

Lastly, we should carry our workout shoes with us into the gym and not on your feet, especially in inclement weather. This helps ensure the nastiness outside doesn’t get dragged into the gym for everyone to share. Sure it might take an extra couple of minutes to change our shoes out but it is better for everyone in the long run.

Shut up and Train: A gym is a place for us to work out and training. Many people show up to get in, run through their routine, and get out. This isn’t a social club for them. They are here for business. What does this mean for us? It means we need to be respectful of those around us and not hinder their progress. It means get in, use a piece of equipment, and move on to our next exercise. Sure we can take a few moments in between sets, but not to pull out our phone to check the news or mess around on Facebook. And let’s keep the selfies to a minimum. Get in and get out.

This also means observe the time limit on the cardio machines, especially during prime time. Typically, there’s a 30-minute time limit which more than enough time for a decent workout. Get off when times up. You can always get back on when someone else is done or come back later. Be respectful of other gym goers who want to work out as well.

Don’t Hog Equipment: The gym is a first come, first serve kind of place. If a piece of equipment is being used we might have to wait (weight?) or work on something else. This goes for everyone. If we are using a piece of equipment they’ll need to wait for us.

This being said, there is a difference between using equipment and hogging it. Using equipment for exercises other than what they are intended for, like the squat rack for non-squat related exercises, is a big no-no. Use the equipment and move on. Equipment like the squat racks tends to be very popular with the serious members.

This also includes routines which require a variety of equipment like circuits or supersets. Trying to commandeer too many benches, dumbbells, and other gym pieces will the anger people around us, especially if the gym is crowded. If the gym happens to be slow with a handful of people, go nuts. More often than not, however, we’ll need to change up our routine.

Be Courteous to Each Other: This is one of the bigger sections but also one of the most important. What does be courteous mean exactly? It means a bunch of things. Don’t be creepy. (I’m looking at you, guys). There are people of all types in the gym and none of them want to be stared at. Focus on the workout and keep it moving. At the same time dress appropriately. Sure everyone has a different personality they want to show off at the gym but it should still be tasteful. This isn’t meant to single out men or women. I’ve seen crazy things from both genders. Shorts which were too short and shirts that aren’t covering anything. This also means clothes should be clean. We shouldn’t smell like we worked out before we make it through the gym doors.

Ensure those around us have enough space whenever possible. I know I don’t like strangers in my personal space when I’m working out and I know I’m not alone. Stay out of other people’s bubble. This goes for listening to music in the gym as well. We shouldn’t be listening to our own music without headphones and the volume set at a reasonable level. No one wants to listen to my workout mix of N’Sync, Taylor Swift, and Britney Spears, but me. Similarly, phone calls should be done away from the equipment and while on the exercise bike.

Lastly, unsolicited advice is an unfortunate part of going to the gym, and I’ve heard is even more prevalent with guys mansplaining to women. (I’m sorry ladies but men are dumb). The only reason we should give advice is if asked or if someone is about to do something dangerous. If neither things have occurred, then we don’t say anything. It’s called unsolicited for a reason. There are times a Gym Bro will feel the need to share their wisdom with us. Feel free to smile and nod then continue with what you were doing. If they start becoming harass-y report them to a gym employee. I love the line Staci, from the Nerd Fitness Team, gives: “I appreciate your input, but I’ve got to finish my workout now. I’m on a tight schedule.”

All of this advice comes down to following the Golden Rule. We may pay to use the gym but so does everyone else there. Similarly, the gym employees are there to maintain the place for us, not to be our maid. This isn’t our house. We don’t make the rules. We are a part of a micro-society of fitness goers so don’t be a jerk. This means we should treat the gym better than we would want a guest staying at our home.

Is everyone going to follow the rules? No, but this doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do better. I know the gym can be a scary place but it can be a little less scary when we know what to expect. Mistakes will happen but we will learn from them and do better next time. We’ve got this. Now go out there and get some fitness.

Mom, I Persevered!

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My oldest son is an interesting and funny kid. About two weeks ago he came downstairs, before school, to ask me what persevered meant. Now any parent of kids will know these “life” questions tend to come out of thin air, but this question felt especially unusual for 7:30 in the morning. Wanting to be a good, helpful parent I did my best to define the word for him. Then he asked me if he had ever persevered? “Damn, kid, this is a little heavy for a Friday morning,” I thought to myself, but I tried to give him examples of times when he persevered. Then I went to work and didn’t think much of it.

A couple hours later I was randomly messing around on Facebook and noticed my wife’s post My oldest waking her up in the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT to ask about persevering. I lost it. This kid is too funny. Of course, he would wake up in the middle of the night because he was worried if he, in his short, little life, has persevered.

Later, after he got out of school, my wife took my kids to a rock climbing wall to run them down a little. (Parents you know what I’m talking about). My oldest struggled for a little bit but it didn’t take him long to make it to the top. Once he hit the bell at the top, he looked down, and yelled, “I persevered!” God, I love this kid!

For those who don’t know, like me until I started writing this post, the official definition of perseverance from Merriam-Webster is a “continued effort to do or achieve something despite difficulties, failure, or opposition: the action or condition or an instance of persevering: Steadfastness.” Basically, it’s when we keep at a task or goal even when it’s hard and we suck at it. It’s Thomas Edison with the light bulb or Martin Luther King, Jr. with the Civil Rights Movement.

This begs the question, where does perseverance come from? Why are some people able to persevere when challenges are placed in front of them and others fold like a house of cards? Is perseverance something we are born with or can it be learned? Well, thanks to the research of Carol Dweck we have a pretty good idea of how to answer these questions. Ultimately, it comes down to whether an individual has adopted a Fixed Mindset or a Growth Mindset.

Fixed vs. Growth Mindset:

“That’s great, Joe, but what’s the difference?” Well, those with a fixed mindset believe people’s basic abilities, intelligence, creativity, and talents are predetermined at birth. They are unchangeable. This makes an individual’s goal to always look smart and avoid looking dumb as much as possible. This leads to an avoidance of challenges to prevent failing because failing means, “they suck!” If they do put themselves out there and they fail it can be devastating, defining their personality forever. These people tend to put themselves into boxes likes:

  • I’m not creative
  • I’m not a people person
  • I’m not athletic
  • I suck at writing
  • I can’t get in shape
  • I’m lazy
  • I’m a procrastinator
  • I’m an introvert

It becomes about talent over skill. They either have it or they don’t. They focus on who they are rather than who they can become.

People with a Growth Mindset, however, believe the abilities and talents they were born with can develop through hard-work, dedication, and practice. When they work on growing their skills it helps to strengthen their motivation, which creates a love of learning and builds resiliency. They know their skills are a starting point and though not everyone is a genius, they can become smarter with persistence and education. There is a willingness to face challenges instead of running from them realizing setbacks are temporary and success takes time. Criticism is a growth tool, for them, rather a judgment on their character. Lastly, they are able to improve because they are able to focus on the type of person they want to be instead of who they are currently.

Now, while it’s easy to make this black and white seeing some people have fixed mindsets and others have growth mindsets, life tends to be a little gray. There are times we will have fixed mindsets about ourselves but will also work on personal growth projects. We work to change while fighting to keep things the same.

I know for myself, I spent most of my non-adult life with a fixed mindset. I was “smart” as a kid so I didn’t have to work hard, I was pretty good at playing the saxophone so I didn’t really need to practice, and of course, I was a starter in Fencing because I was better than most of the people on the team. (Yes, I know I’m a nerd. It’s cool). I had the talent and others didn’t. I was arrogant. As I grow up, I realized I had to work for the things I truly wanted. Getting into my college fraternity, completing boot camp, and in shape to get a better fitness test score all took energy and work. I had flashes of a growth mindset but still, my fixed mindset prevailed. Recently, I’ve been working to change my mindset through hard-work, dedication, and practice. Slow and steady.

Developing a Growth Mindset:

It’s easy to say we need to develop a growth mindset but the question becomes “how?” Are there things we can do to change how we see the world? Sure there are but the important thing to remember, as with anything, developing the growth mindset “skill” will take hard work and patience. Here are some things we can do to cultivate this mindset.

Practice Failing: One of my favorite stories of individuals who have a growth mindset comes for Spanx Founder Sara Blakely. One of the things her dad would ask her at dinner each night was, “What have you failed at this week?” Each time he wanted her to have an answer. This wasn’t the request of an obsessive father who wanted his daughter to be perfect. This was a man who wanted his daughter to try new things, be adventurous, and not worry if she wasn’t the best.

We need to try things that scare us and we might find new things we actually enjoy. At the very least it will help us get comfortable with the uncomfortable. It was this one little question Ms. Blakely attributes to her success and being the youngest self-made female billionaire in America. We may not become a billionaire but maybe it will help us live the life we’ve always dreamed.

Work on Weaknesses: We all have a good idea of our strengths and weaknesses. This makes it easier to avoid the things we aren’t good at to focus on where we excel. This can limit our growth potential since we have become afraid of trying new things. In a similar vein to practice failing, we need to embrace our weaknesses. We don’t need to be scared of them but rather work on them making them better. Our flaws don’t need to hold us back but can be fun changes as we try to improve.

Learn Something New Every Day: One of the keys to a growth mindset is the ability and willingness to learn something new. This doesn’t need to be some amazing revelation about the meaning of life but could be a fun fact for the day. Something like: did you know a great white shark can only breathe when they are moving? If they stop moving they will die so they never sleep.

While it’s a good idea to take time each day to read, we can pick up our information from anywhere. Podcasts, audiobooks, YouTube, or even the next door neighbor all have something they can teach us if we are willing to learn. There’s also no better teacher than experience. Have a leaky faucet in the house or apartment? Find a YouTube video or Wikihow and try to fix it without the plumber. The point is to get out of our comfort zone and continue to learn.

Develop Identity Based Habits: I wrote about this a couple weeks ago talking about who we want to become. This is extremely important for a growth mindset. By focusing on who we want to become we are focusing on the process rather than the results. Here’s what I mean. “I want to lose 10 pounds,” is a result. It is what we want to happen. If we change the thought to “I want to be a healthier person,” then we are focusing on who we want to become. We are thinking about long-term goals and become interested in learning how to be healthier overall. What should we eat, how should we exercise, and what else can we do to increase our overall health? These are all things we get to explore, and more when becoming a healthier person.

I recently decided I want to become a freelance writer. If I was asked six months to a year ago if this was my plan, I probably would have laughed. When I think about it now I’m excited, and more than a little terrified. For years I only thought about monetary goals. I wanted to be a millionaire. I wanted to be rich. I bounced from idea to idea like Tigger from Winnie the Pooh because I didn’t care what I did as long as the money was there. Now I’m focused on who I want to be when I grow up. I’m focusing on the process and not the results of making money.

I know it’s easier to focus on the results because they are a tangible we can track, which is important. These numbers are still important to track to show we are heading in the right direction but if we only care about the numbers we will look for shortcuts. People who concentrate on who they want to become and the process to get them there will have increased, longer lasting results.

 

In the end, each mindset has its place but if we want to learn to be better than we were yesterday, we have to adopt a growth mindset. We need to remember our God-given talents and skills are only a starting point and it is our job to develop them further. We have to do away with words like “I can’t” or “I’m not a (fill in the blank)” and spend more time saying, “I can” and “This is who I want to be.”

There’s no doubt the world is a scary place and no one wants to be made fun of or thought of as dumb. It can be easy to hide in our little holes afraid to experience the world but then we spend our life scared of our own shadow. Sure a fixed mindset is safer in the short-term but in the long-term, our life is like a treadmill. We put thousands of miles on our bodies but never go anywhere. It’s time for us to go somewhere.

My 2018 Year in Review

2018 Year in Review:

I’ve finally gotten around to do my Year in Review. This is something I saw the author of Atomic Habit James Clear and the freelance blogger Kaleigh Moore as a way reflect on the Good, the Bad, and what I learned over the past year. This will be a little rough since this is my first one but I plan on making this a regular thing.

Without further ado…

The Good –

I had a baby girl: To start things off, in September, during Hurricane Florence, my wife and I had our 3rd child and our 1st little girl. She is cute as a button and the whole family loves her to pieces. The best part was deciding to have her at home. IT WAS AWESOME! I woke up around 3:30 am, called the Midwife, the Doula, and the Birth Photographer to come in around 4:30 am, and our baby girl was here by 5:45 am. The Midwives setup everything, they cleaned up everything, and when they left it was like they were never there, except we had a new baby. Thanks to my wife I’ve been an advocate for natural and homebirths for some time now but this was my first homebirth. I couldn’t imagine any other way.

It’s taken some time to get used to having a new baby in house and I’ve personally had some growing pains juggling three. Still I’m thankful to have her in our lives and I couldn’t imagine our family any other way.

Started Lifting again: In April I decided to start lifting again to get my body in shape for the beach trip back in August. My wife, knowing how much I wanted a garage gym, bought me a Squat Rack for Christmas, and, after taking my sweet ass time putting it together, I finally got after it. I LOVED IT! There is nothing like working out in your home. I would roll out of bed, stumble into the garage, put on my lifting shoes, and work out. The best part was how successful I was at it. From the end of April until our trip in the beginning of June, I lifted four times a week, each week. That was over three months, which is the most consistency I’ve had working out ever in my life. Nothing was going to slow me down. I wanted to drop the weight and turn myself into a brick house at the same time. It worked and it was good.

Started a Blog: This is the thing I’m most proud of this year. When I finally decided I wanted to start a blog back in October, I honestly had no idea what would happen. I didn’t know how far I would go or if I would quit because things got too hard, like most things I start. Surprisingly, I’ve been writing for almost three months and almost 50 blog posts now, which is still shocking for me. It goes to show what can be accomplished when it becomes a priority. I have lots of plans for this blog and I can’t wait to see where this goes.

The Bad –

Lifting has been spotty lately: When I started lifting in April I became surprisingly happy. It was still taking me some time to get up in the morning but I didn’t miss workouts because I knew how important it is to be consistent. Then I went on vacation and things went sideways. Between the break and not having ready access to my home gym for a month, my fitness went out the window. Then my baby girl was born and I barely had the energy to function let alone workout. From August to December I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve worked out which was extremely frustrating. Since December I’ve slowly started building this practice again but it’s slow.

Lost almost 25 lbs but gained ten back: One of my main reasons for lifting was to drop, from over 240lbs, down to 215 lbs by my vacation in August. Though I didn’t make the goal I did come close, hitting a low of 219 lbs. This represents the lowest I’ve been since I left the Navy which is awesome. It took a lot of hard work, dedication, and plenty of missteps.

So I had the discipline to drop almost 25 lbs in several months, which was a real accomplishment for me but it didn’t take much for me to gain a good portion of this back. Between the lack of a solid routine, lack of exercise, and the holidays my old bad habit quickly came back. It’s made me feel like a failure. I know this is a bump in the road and I’m more focused on it now but building the habit back will take some time.

I found I still get derailed easily: Routines, while tedious, are great for a reason. They help to keep us consistent. When we break the consistency there is the tendency to lose the routine all together. Then when we want to restart the routine it takes twice the effort. There’s the desire to start the routine but the emotional baggage which comes with it. The frustration of being a failure, the memory of how difficult it was to start the first time, and the willpower to start again when it feels easier to let go. These are all the things I’ve been feeling since August and it didn’t take much.

I don’t know if it was the week away, the emotion stress of having massive amounts of flooding damage due to a broken water heater, the new baby, or a combination of all of it but the grit wasn’t there. I’ve tried to get back into the routine kicking and screaming and I’m finally starting to make progress. Fitness, eating, drinking water, writing, and a variety of other things will gradually need to be worked on this year. I know I need to take it one step at a time to create compound results.

What I learned –

Babies don’t get easier the more you have: This should be a no brainer but apparently I still need to learn things the hard way. Babies are babies no matter how many someone has in their family. They take time, patience, and energy. They take our routines, throw them out the window, and force us to get us to a new normal. It can be difficult to feel like there’s a light at the end of the tunnel when caring for a newborn and it can be difficult to ask for help. I had to remember it was okay and I’ll get through it. Thankfully, after four months things are starting to calm down.

Writing is more difficult than I thought: First, writing isn’t difficult. It’s fairly easy. Writing with intent and with a purpose is the difficult part and I thought it would get easier. The thing is good writing takes time and energy. It takes patience and a willingness to persevere, even when the “I don’t feel like it” or “I’m not in the mood,” for me to keep going. It’s not always fun but I know, in the end, I’m making progress and becoming a better writer.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help: Recently, I recruited my brother-in-law to be an accountability buddy (accountabilibuddy?). This one little step has helped me more than I had imagined. I’ve always considered myself someone who didn’t need anyone’s help to make changes in my life. It’s the “I can’t help you if you can’t help yourself,” mentality. Since I started working out with my brother-in-law I am becoming more consistent. I’m working out multiple times a week and even adding some running into the mix. It’s still a far cry from perfect but I’m making it.

You won’t get anywhere if you don’t start: For years I’ve hated the direction my life was heading. I didn’t feel like I was growing as a person. I kept learning all of these new things but either not applying them or not willing to share. I was on a treadmill heading towards a dead end. Then I started this blog. I wrote one blog post, then another, and then another. I was scared to put myself out there but I was more afraid of how my life would turn out if I didn’t. Afraid of what my life would look like in 10 years if I refused to start. Now I may only be at the beginning of my journey but the important thing is I’ve started. I feel like Bilbo Baggins from The Hobbit. I’ve caught up to the dwarves, fought off some trolls, and I’m on my way to Rivendell. The Lonely Mountain, and Smaug, are thousands of miles away but I’m getting closer everyday.

Each day is a chance to start over: We tend to wait for milestones to start a new habit or new project. “I’ll try again on Monday,” or “I’ll make this a New Year’s Resolution.” The best part is we don’t have to wait. Each new day is a chance to start something new. If we don’t like the way our life is going, we don’t have to wait for a random start date in the future, we get to make a fresh start whenever we want. We just have to decide to make the change.

Thanks for reading my first Annual Review. I can’t wait to see what next year brings and want my review will look like then.

Fitness Friday – These are App-Actly What I Needed

Image Credit: Pixabay

Alright, we are almost three full weeks into the new year and still going strong, right? We have our health and fitness goals, we’ve made our plan, and we are killing it. “Hey, Joe, what happens if we don’t have a plan?” Wait, no plan? Of course we have a plan. We talked about this.

Okay, deep breaths. I’ve got us covered. For those of us who don’t want to scour the internet for a workout routine or build one themselves, myself included, it can be difficult to have a plan. I’ve been there many times. I know what I should do or could do but planning takes a ton out of me. Have no fear. Help is on the way. Here are some apps to get us started (I am not getting paid to endorse any of these apps):

Running:

Running is not my thing, which I’m sure I’ve mentioned over and over by now, but I know it’s fun for many people so who am I to judge. The important thing is to get in shape. Of course running can difficult and demanding for those of us who haven’t laced up our running shoes in a while. The apps below make the process of getting back into it a little bit easier.

Weight Loss Running: Created by Verv, this was the app I used a few years back when I wanted to get in shape and was preparing for a Spartan Race. I may not be a fan of running but this was the perfect way for me to get started. Instead of the constant long, slow runs with traditional running programs, this app turns it into interval training.

It starts you off with a walk/jog warm up for 5 minutes then cycles on and off between jogging, sprinting, and walking. The difficulty can be changed depending on your current training history and has several different training plans including for weight loss (obviously), 5Ks, 10Ks, Half Marathons, and Marathons. Each plan starts you off easy and becomes progressively more difficult with each workout. If followed properly, by the end of the training plan, you should have little issue completing the assigned program.

This app is free with an in-app paid premium version which includes more fitness tips, songs and music mixes, workouts.

Zombies, Run: For the gamers or those looking to add a little fun to their run, there’s Zombies, Run, by Six to Start. As one of the few remain survivors of the Zombie Apocalypse, you are a “Runner,” an individual tasked with gathering supplies, finding and rescuing other survivors, and traveling to other outposts. Each run is a different mission where you walk, jog, or run anywhere in the world and at the end you collect supplies to help your base. Basically, you feel like you’re on the Walking Dead and with 200 plus missions (both free and paid) boredom is unlikely.

I have not used this app before. I heard about this from the Nerd Fitness message boards and decided to save it for later. I love the idea of gamifying something life to make it more fun. Now after looking into this app even closer I need to add this to my fitness cycle. I’m excited. ZOMBIES!

MapMyRun: For those of us who just want to get out and run, this app is for them. Created by Under Armor this was one of the first and most popular running apps to track mileage. While they have training plans and a few other features, for those willing to pay to upgrade, it’s still one of the easiest click and go running GPS trackers when you just want to run. You can track how far you’ve run, keeps a list of distances, and share them with friends. Simple but effective.

Bodyweight/At Home:

Looking to get into shape but don’t want to run or have access to a gym? Try these apps out. These bodyweight apps allow us to work out just about anywhere, including our homes, getting rid many of our fitness excuses. Those these are great for beginners or people who are on vacation, the apps listed below have fairly limited functionality, however, without the paid upgrade.

Mammoth Hunters: Named after the founding company, Mammoth Hunters Fitness app is one I’ve used personally and I really enjoyed it. This app provides close to a dozen free premade workouts, a basic nutrition guide, and allows users to create their own tribe to help keep each other accountable. The paid upgrade version tailors the fitness program to the user, provides a personal meal plan, and weekly shopping lists.  

Weight Loss Fitness: Also created by Verv, but has significantly less functionality than its Weight Loss Running counterpart when not upgraded to premium. While the free access is very limited, it is a great app for beginners looking to get their feet wet. Workouts are about 6-7 minutes long which is great for users who don’t think they have enough time to work out properly. After several weeks on the free program, users can either upgrade to the premium version or find a new app.

Strength Training:

For those of us who are looking to build strength and are willing and able to go to the gym these are great options to get started.

FitBod: This app, created by Fitbod Inc, works for a variety of individuals who want fairly customized workouts. The user can set the type of equipment they have available to them, their fitness goals (like get stronger, bulk up, or lean up), fitness experience, workout duration, and a bunch more. Then it creates a workout routine based on these preferences, which can always be changed. It even has videos of each exercise in the routine to ensure the user has proper form. The best part is it is free. Of course there is a paid upgrade version but there is a ton of free stuff in this app, most people shouldn’t need the upgrade.

Kettlebell: Have you seen the kettlebells in the gym and want to start using them but don’t know where to start? Fitify has you covered with their kettlebell app. The free version allows you to access all of their workouts except the lower body. Then you pick your workout duration and follow along to the videos. When the time is up, you move to the next exercise until the workout is over. According to the developer, Martin Mazanec, there are over 55 different kettlebell exercises in this app helping to ensure you never get bored. As with most of these there is a paid feature, which, much like Fitbod, could probably done without.

Hylete Daily Circuit: Though I’ve never used this app, I think it’s awesome and will be using it when I want to get Spartan ready. Created by the fitness clothing company Hylete, this app is completely free. No premium upgrades or plans to purchase. Download the app, click on today’s circuit, and get started. The workouts run about 20 minutes, not including the warmup and cooldown, making it easy enough to fit into most people’s busy schedule.

The best part? There’s zero need to think ahead or plan, and if you find a routine you enjoy you can save it to your favorites to repeat. Movements can be modified and there are videos tutorials for any exercise you don’t know how to do. This HIIT training app is definitely one to check out.

StrongLifts 5×5: This app from the creator of StrongLifts 5×5, takes the program and makes it even easier to get started. It helps the user figure out their starting bar weight for each exercise, automatically adds the correct progression amount for each workout, and tells the user how much weight belongs on each side. (For people who are not used to “plate math” this calculation can be difficult). Your workout history is logged and graphed to measure progress.

There is a paid upgrade with a quarterly and annual plan which offers the user a few additional features but I’m not sure it’s necessary. For those of us who are willing to put in a little work, the free plan is enough, though if you can afford the upgrade it’s worth helping the creator out.

Health:

These are the miscellaneous apps I find or have found helpful when wanting to get serious and healthy.

MyFitnessPal: For those of us who want to track what they are eating and aren’t doing Weight Watchers, this is an amazing app. I’ve used this a bunch before and Under Armor’s database of food is intense. You can scan barcodes from the foods you eat, choose the number of servings you’ve eaten, and it adds all the information to your daily total. You can also make recipes to know how many calories you eaten and save the recipes to reuse later. This is the app I recommend to anyone interested in tracking what they eat. It’s great for beginners and the premium version has even more information for those who want to get micro with their macros.

Calm/Headspace/Oak: Meditation isn’t just for hippies anymore. Fitness leaders, Titans of Industry, and the little, old lady down the street have meditation practices. There are plenty of benefits to meditation from reducing stress and anxiety to reducing blood pressure to improving sleep, to name a few. Unfortunately, meditation gets a bad rap from being too crazy and hippy-like to being too difficult. This is where these apps help. They allow you to access free guided meditations to start out and more advanced guides at a low monthly cost (except Oak. It was created as a Facebook tutorial/experiment by Kevin Rose and is still free at this point). For those who are looking to get into meditation but don’t know where to start, look no further. While I don’t have a regular practice, when I do meditate I always feel better.

Google Docs/Google Spreadsheets: I do most of my fitness related work on these two apps. I have my list of exercise and the overall fitness plan in Google Docs and use Google Spreadsheets for the actual workout routine numbers and tracking. They are simple, easy to use, and don’t cost a dime. These can even be used to keep recipes, keep a food log, count macros, or track weight progress. For those of us who want or are willing to put a little more effort into their fitness and wellness planning, these are great.

Okay, wow, that was a lot. Still with me? I know this list might look a little overwhelming but I hope it’s less intimidating than the app store. Like everything else I try to put out, the goal is to make things a little easier for you. Fewer choices, fewer headaches, and fewer reason not to start. Find an app and give it a try. If it doesn’t feel right, then feel free to move on to something else. The point is to get started. Good Luck and Happy Gainzmas!